Posts Tagged ‘Dook’

Pristiq For Sale

I will be the first to acknowledge that both the blogosphere and the internet in general are full of vitriol directed toward various teams.  Any team that has ever enjoyed any success whatsoever has something written about it which drips of the sort of steaming hatred that accompanies sports rivalries great and small.  Most of the time these flaming rants come from fans of teams that are either rivals (or wish they were rivals) of the object of the spewing hatred.

Pristiq For Sale, This post is a flaming rant.  It is not, however, aimed at a traditional rival of the Tennessee Volunteers.  Furthermore, while it amounts to little more than a creative rationalization on my part, I feel that I have earned my bitching license on this one since -- in addition to being a graduate of the University of Tennessee -- I am also a graduate of the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill.

I despise the Tarheels Tarheads...

From 1998 until 2001, I attended "trade school" at UNC.  For the record, I got a wonderful education at the UNC School of Law, and have nothing but good things to say about the educational aspects of that institution.  There are a few reasons for this.  First, UNC School of Law is an excellent institution with a fine faculty.  Second, as is the case at most professional and graduate schools, most of the students at UNC School of Law did their undergraduate work elsewhere.

See, I said something nice about UNC...

As for the actual teams that UNC fields and the fans that follow those teams, well, I am much less complimentary.  Having spent 3 years among the Tarheads, I am all to familiar with their "regal society" mentality.  I had it explained to me one more than one occasion by more than one person that my not being a fan of the Tarheads just indicated that I "did not understand" just what an amazing team and tradtion UNC has.

The fans at Dook -- only 9 miles up the road from Chapel Hill -- are arrogant, there's no way around that.  This difference is that Dook's fans acknowledge this fact and wear like a badge of honor.  They make no bones about it -- they are some of the most obnoxious and arrogant fans in the country.  UNC Fans, on the other hand, do not generally think themselves arrogant, but rather "right."  In my book, that feigned humility, paired with their overbearing arrogance (all while criticizing Dook fans for being arrogant), puts UNC fans right near the bottom -- just a few notches above Florida fans, and directly below degenerate bottomfeeders (a/k/a "lawyers like me").

Furthermore, if it can’t be the SEC that brings home the NCAA title tonight in Detroit, it might as well be the BigTen.  Besides, I’m kinda partial to Sparty, and I like green

Thus, it is with great conviction that I declare:



Vanquish the Mother Smurfin’ Tarheaded Smurfs of UNC!!!

Nah, I don't hold grudges, honest I don't...

-- So it goes…About Lawvol

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NCAA Tournament — Everyone not Called “Tennessee” Thus Far

Well, as expected, there have been a few surprises in the Tournament so far. I being busy re-modeling my garage have been a bit slow to comment on these (as if anyone cared...). Be that as it may, here are my observations...

• Kentucky Consistency: Despite managing to make something out of nothing, Billy Clyde and the boys in blue have proven in the NCAA Tournament that they still possess the ability down the stretch to demonstrate the quality which helped pave their way to an 11 seed in the NCAA Tournament: the ability to suck the tubes hard when they really have to.


In fairness, however, the Vanderbilt Commodores also proved that -- when forced to play on a normally configured basketball floor -- they blow.

That’s the last time I take either of them as a longshot in my bracket...

Pac-10 Power: I don’t claim to keep up with the Pac-10 in anything, but I was under the impression that UCLA, Stanford, and USC were supposed to be simply amazing teams which made their opponents quiver in fear, little children run for their mother, and grown men crap their pants. Apparently, Kansas State didn’t get the memo, and Marquette and Texas A&M all but disregarded it.


News Flash, UCLA is beatable...

Bulldog Blowout: Despite veritable orgy of wins over the last week leading up to the NCAA Tournament, the Georgia Bulldogs did not achieve the ridiculous and manage to amass more wins in the post-season than they did during the SEC regular season. Nice run, however for the Dawgs, but now the party is over..

So could someone please tell Dennis Felton that Wade Houston called and wants his moustache back?

Oh well...

The Kevin O’Neill Chronicles: After coaching the Arizona Wildcats all season while Lute Olsen "found" himself (despite the fact that Olsen has to be approaching 70 -- or at least looks like it) Kevin O’Neill again gets the shaft as Olsen made it clear that he will now resume his role as head coach. I guess Olsen is done chasing skirt, and can get back to doing his job. I don’t get why Olsen needed a whole season off because of a divorce -- Bruce Pearl has actually improved his record during his divorce, and Pat Summitt hasn't been too shabby during hers either.

Given Tennessee’s experience with O’Neill and his refusal to put up with the Big Dickey’s bullshit (did I say "bullshit?" I meant "bullshit."), I’d say it’s a safe bet that O’Neill is gonzo, and that right soon. As the only Pre-Pearl / Post-DeVoe coach the BasketVols ever had that was worth a damn, I wish him well. Speaking of which, the SEC schools that are thinking of trading up on their coach could do a lot worse than giving the old "Revco Kicker" a look.

Suck It!

I guess Lute Olsen and the Big Dickey have one thing in common ... now O’Neill thinks they are both two-faced jackasses...

• Dookus Go Homeus: Dook took it in the teeth, exactly as I didn’t predict. Oh well, Kentucky, Vanderbilt, and UConn already screwed my bracket enough to make Dook’s loss to the West Virginia Mountaineers a game of little consequence. I just hate it that the Belmont Bruins couldn’t pull it out the night before -- I was so hoping that the Bruins would give it to Coach Kryezq?r2gxmzrfeykzwGkeeei the hard way, and lay it on the "regal" ACC. Hats off to West Virginia for finishing the job.

Coach K…

As for the boys of Belmont, I know moral victories are like french-kissing your sister (fun at first, but then just damn nasty) but Belmont obviously has a really hot sister. No shame in taking Dook down to the wire, even if you came up one point short. Thankfully, Joel over at Rocky Top Talk didn’t have a coronary or toss his cookies on his keyboard during the 70-71 loss by Belmont...

... if Joel had quit posting due to death or a broken computer I’d have had one less great resource to plagiarize.

• UConn Sucks: But of course I think everyone already knew that...

• In Case You’re Keeping Score: Finally, just to show -- like Eliot Spitzer -- I am accountable to the people, my bracket is completely shot to hell.

More to come, on the BasketVols, and on everyone else once the rest of the Sweet 16 are confirmed...

-- Go Figure …

Images Courtesy of: Loser With Socks, SportsCrack, Georgia Sports Blog, and WildcatsMania

ACC Angst…

Okay, I admit it -- this is a completely irrational rant, but I can't help it. If any of you SEC fans out there happen to live in the heart of another conference's "territory" then you may understand. Either way, I am unapologetic about this little rant...

I live in Raleigh, North Carolina, which is generally a really great place to live -- except when it comes to college sports. My house and office are about 5 miles from NC State University. Considering how shitty the Wolfpack generally is in pretty much every sport other than Tiddly-Winks, that isn't so bad. Widen the arc just a bit more, however, and things get decidedly more annoying. Dook (a/k/a Duke) is about 15 miles up the road, and Tarhead State (a/k/a UNC) is about 9 miles beyond that.

I live in the bowels of ACC Country...

Now, during football season, things aren't all that bad -- basketball season (especially the month of March), however, is a different matter.

There are few things that I dislike more than Tarhead fans. The self-righteous "Whine & Cheese" Smurfs of Chapel Hill have to be some of the most annoying fans in the sports world. Of course, the UNC crowd would claim this is unfair -- they would argue that the Dookies are worse. In some ways they might be right -- the Dookies are terribly obnoxious, arrogant, elitist, and (on the whole) annoying fans -- the key point, however, is that the Dook fans acknowledge that they are this way and, in fact often wear that fact as a badge of honor. UNC fans, on the other hand are generally so elitist that they refuse to acknowledge their elitism.

Duke may be the "University of New Jersey at Durham," their fans annoying as hell, and a former employer of Steve Spurrier, but I'd still take them over the Tarheads any day -- after all, they hired David Cutcliffe...

Oh yeah, did I mention that I am an alum of both the University of Tennessee and the University of North Carolina -- UNC School of Law, Class of 2001...

This is not to tout my resume (like anyone would care...), but rather to point out that I have earned my bitching license. UNC is a great school, and I got a fine education there, but I hate the Tarhead fans. I am just so tired of hearing all the Tarhead talk and all the "ACC is the King" crap that I am about to puke...

Let me give you an example of how the fans from each of the schools in my area might interact with some SEC fans (or Big Ten fans for that matter):

Tennessee Fan: So I see we might be playing one another in the NCAA's, pretty cool, huh? I just love what Coach Pearl has done with the program...

UNC Fan: I guess ... not bad for a school from the SEC.

Tennessee Fan: What's that supposed to mean?

UNC Fan: Well, not everyone can get into Carolina...

NC State Fan: (Vacant Stare)

Tennessee Fan: Well, not everyone would want to. I mean, different strokes for different folks.

NC State Fan: Arnold is cool...

Tennessee Fan: I didn't mean the TV show, I just ... nevermind.

UNC Fan: There's one thing you obviously misperceive, everyone does want to go to Carolina.

Tennessee Fan: That's a bit of an arrogant and bone-headed perspective

NC State Fan: He said bone...

Smurf Fan: Can't help it if the truth is tough to swallow. See, you simply cannot understand, unless you had the chance to experience what Chapel Hill -- "The Southern Part of Heaven" -- is like, and the opportunity to live the dream that is walking into the Dean Dome and seeing Roy Williams and our beloved Tarheels win game after game for old "NCU."

Tennessee Fan: Uhh, the school is UNC, not NCU.

Blue Man Group Fan: Well, it's a Carolina thing, you wouldn't understand...

Tennessee Fan: No, I know all about it -- the UNC alma mater -- for some reason refers to Carolina as NCU.

NC State Fan: I like 'mater sammiches...

Tennessee Fan: So how do you explain Dook?

(Moment of Tense Silence)

UNC Fan: Carpetbagging Yankees who couldn't get into Carolina.

(Guy in purple walks up)

Tennessee Fan: Well they whipped your ass in the "Dean Dome" this year.

Ryan Perriloux: Did some one say "ass"? Been looking for some of that! Anyone here want to buy some of this cash I have on hand for ... say 50 Cents on the Dollar?

NC State Fan: You're pretty.

Ryan Perriloux: Hmmmm... Guess not. Later... the Sixty Million Dollar man has things to do.

(Perriloux leaves)

Tarhead Fan: Typical for an SEC player -- no class.

(A few more people walk up)

Tennessee Fan: Like I said, so what about Dook?

UNC Fan: Well, we beat them when it mattered, as always.

Dookie: (yelling loudly) That's alright, that's okay, you will work for us someday!!!

Tennessee Fan: That's pretty funny.

UNC Fan: If you're a juvenile.

Bama Fan: I remember being in "juvy" when I was a kid. Rough place, but -- I have to say ( laughing) -- I hadn't had that much sex since I was a Boy Scout.

(Painfully long pause)

Bama Fan: Uhh, I mean, I was dating a lot when I was a Boy Scout, and ... uhhh ...

Georgia Fan: Damn Brother, don't believe I'da told that!

Duke Fan: You's "Southern people" ah funny. I like you.

Georgia Fan: Eh? Yer talkin' funny, I think you got some raisins stuck up yer nose.

Duke: Talk some more Southern for me...

UNC Fan: See what I mean.

Tennessee Fan: Well, you're Southern too, right?

NCU anF: Well, there's "Southern" and then there's ... ummm ... how to say this ...

Tennessee Fan: I'm listening...

Tar Paper Fan: ... well, "rednecks."

NC State: Red and Green!! Red and Greeen ... Shit! Red and White! Red and White!!!

Bam-uh Fan: Little Boy Blue you got to learn not to talk to people like that!

Tennessee Fan: Calm down now everyone! No need for violence ... yet.

Bama Fan: How 'bout ya, Bulldog? You in this with me?

Georgia Fan: Yeah, I'm with you. (cracking knuckles)

Duke Fan: This is great! I can't wait to tell family in New Jersey I got to see a brawl.

NC State Fan: (Drool)

Tennessee Fan: Now I'm sure he didn't mean anything by it ... did you?

UNC Fan: Well, I mean, just look at our tradition at UNC...

Duke Fan: We gots that too ... but we did it a lot quicker, by buying it!

Bama Fan: How'd that work for you? We're kinda' tryin' that right now too.

Dookie: Ahh, it's the best...

Bama Fan: You know, for a guy whose ancestors shot at us, you seem alright...

UNC Fan: Coming from the SEC you have no idea what it is like to be at Chapel Hill, if you had one moment to experience it, you'd see it really is better. It's the majesty of campus, the Old Well, the clock tower, it's Franklin Street, the Smith Center, Kenan Stadium, and all our National Championships...

Alabama Fan: What?! You guys only have 4 basketball championships since 1956. In football alone, Alabama has 39 National Titles since 1988, or something like that ... I read it on a stadium cup.

UNC-le Fester's Biggest Fan: Football is an inferior sport ...

Dookie: We suck ass at football, but we really could give a shit.

NC State Fan: I think I need to change my underwear...

Tennessee Fan: So you don't think you're being just a little bit conceited about all of this?

UNC Fan: Carolina grads aren't conceited like Duke fans are, we're just citing the facts...

Duke of Earl: All of you suck! But you're pretty funny -- especially you...

Bama Fan: Who, me?

Duke Fan: Yeah, where are you from?

Bam-Bam Fan: Montgomery, you?

Duke Fan: Newark.

UGA Dawg: Is that near Pascagoula?

Dook Fan: Holy Freakin' Sons of the Confederacy, what did you call that place?

Let's Grow Vols Fan: Pascagoula. It's in Mississippi ...

Dookus Fanus Erectus: "Pahss-Kuh-goooo-lah" That's too funny -- you crazy Southern-type drawl'in people...

Tarhole Fan: Don't be lumping me in with these coots...

Dookie: I wasn't, I hate you!

Alabama Sons of Katie Elder Fan: Alright, Pretty Boy! I've had it with you!

Am I Blue Fan: Uhh ... everybody just relax...

10-SC Fan: He's right, ease back, Bammer!

Dook National Bank, N.A. Fan: Tell you what, you big crazy doughnut-eatin' Orange guy ... I'll give you $50.00 each to give him a beatin'!

(Long Pause)

Big Orange Army Fan: Did I say relax, I meant "Hulk smash"

(Fisticuffs erupt)

Yeah, I know my attempt at humor sucks, but I just had to vent. I'll try an post something actually worth reading here soon...

-- Go Figure …

Headline, Links & Lies… Bracketology Edition


Ahh, the Joys of the NCAA Tournament Selection Process...


A few links worth looking at from across the blogosphere...

In the unlikely event that anyone cares, here’s my bracket (at least the one I’m claiming publicly, that is):

lawvol’s NCAA Bracket

Yeah, yeah, go ahead and laugh it up...



For more Bobby Knight clips, check out Gate 21’s videos over on the right sidebar... (yeah, that’s right, over there >>>>)

-- Go Figure …SIG%20-%20Lawvol%20(Small) McAlisters%20-%20Crossout

Image Courtesy of: LOL Jocks

How Much is Winning Worth?


Well, once again I have added to the conversation over at Rocky Top Talk. This time a little look into how Tennessee values Bruce Pearl, as compared to other coaches -- including it’s own. While not as acerbic as my usual posts, this one was tough -- and (cringe) actually resembles a real report by a real journalist. I actually had to do some research and find sources and things. I hate it when I can’t just make baseless allegations grounded on nothing more than the empty space between my ears. What is the world coming to?

Anyway, if you feel like giving it a look, just click the following link: How Much is Winning Worth?.

At any rate, I should be back on Gate 21 full time sometime in the near future (not that anyone cares).

-- Go Figure …SIG%20-%20Lawvol%20(Small) McAlisters%20-%20Crossout

Gate 21 is Brought to you by the Number Four!

Well, after the little slip versus the Kentucky Wildcats, Bruce and the Barbarians are back at No 4 in the land in both the AP and ESPN/USA Today polls.

Lamar AlexanderMore importantly, at present ESPN's Joe Lunardi projects the BasketVols to be a No 1 seed in the West Region -- which means that they would open the NCAA tournament in Birmingham versus Lamar before progressing toward Phoenix. I'm going to show my ignorance -- where exactly is Lamar, or is Lunardi predicting that the Vols will play former Tennessee blowhard Lamar Alexander (Although I guess he is still a blowhard ... I hope he wears his plaid shirt!!!)?


Thus one game looming in the not-so-distant future becomes all the more important: the contest against the Memphis Tigers on 23 February in Memphis. If the Vols can beat the (currently) No 1 Tigers, then it seems difficult to imagine a poll where the BasketVols are not the No 1 team in the country. That is especially true considering that Tarhead U and Dook both have to play one another a second time, and one of them has to lose.


Of course, for that to even matter, the Vols must remain focused and tend to the task of continuing to win against the rest of their SEC opponents -- next target the Arkansas Razorbacks on Wednesday, 13 February at 8:00 at the Tommy Bowl. The Vols still have a lot of basketball to play before the get to Memphis, but if they take care of business, they could be sitting in an awfully good position come tournament time.

In the meantime, I'm just going to enjoy the No 4 ranking, thus, I thought this little flashback to my childhood was appropriate. Hope you approve...


Go Vols, Beat the Piggies!!!

-- Go Figure …

Headlines, Links & Lies… the Terelle Pryor Edition

This just in...

Digital Headbutt is reporting that Terelle Pryor Commits to ... Duke?!
In one of the most shocking twists the college football recruiting world has ever seen, Terrelle Pryor announced, completely out of left field, that he was going to enroll as a two-sport athlete at Duke University. According to Pryor, this shouldn’t come as a shock at all. “I chose Duke for many, many reasons”, said the prospect to a stunned audience at his press conference in Jeannette, Pennsylvania. “I have openly said to the media that I would prefer to become a professional basketball player than a professional football player. Duke gives me the opportunity to do that which the other schools I considered simply cannot provide.” When asked why he did not choose Ohio State (who has enjoyed recent basketball success), Pryor said “First of all, it’s cold up here. I was thinking of going to a big Ten school to be in a major conference and be close to my family. But then I thought, “Can I really stand another winter like this? F–k that s–t.”
Read the whole bullshit story over at Digital Headbutt Meanwhile ... on a Hockey related note, Richard Zednik of the Florida Panthers, had his throat slit accidentally during a game, and there is even a YouTube of the incident, which is pretty bloody, as posted over at Two Minutes for Blogging.

WARNING, this is a bit graphic if you are squeamish!!!

[youtube][/youtube] Damn, I bet that hurts! I hope he is okay.

-- Go Figure …

Image Courtesy of: Digital Headbutt
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