Posts Tagged ‘Crack Whores’

Despite the fact that basketball season has been over for nearly a month now, Geno Auriemma just can’t let it go…

Apparently, Geno simply couldn’t fight the urge to run his mouth one last time. At a press conference wrapping up the 2007-08 season, Geno jumped on the chance to get in a dig on Pat Summitt over the cancellation of the regular season Tennessee vs. Connecticut series and “Tour-gate.” Nevermind the fact that — since the season is over and the UConn Huskies weren’t around as one of the last two teams standing — no one gives two shits about his opinion at this point. Geno, being his usual blowhard self, went straight ahead and got those gums a-flappin’

I don’t have to say anything. Pat knows. She knows why we’re not playing. There’s nothing for me to say. I’m not the one that made the decision not to play. So she should just tell you why instead of saying, ‘Geno knows.’ I do know. I already told you. She accused us of cheating at recruiting. She doesn’t have the courage to say it publicly. So yeah, Geno does know. And I’ve said it.

. . .

There’s a lot of things I know about a lot of people. That doesn’t mean I cancel the series. This is the same person who said if the Duke fans didn’t treat her players right, she was going to cancel that series.

Auriemma went on to add that he would only resume the series under favorable circumstances:

It would have to be eight games here, one in Nashville and one in Memphis; that would be my proposal to them. That’s the only way I would do it.

Sounds to me as if Geno is simply trying to grab a little bit of publicity for his team — perhaps in hopes that the hype will prevent some poor recruit from realizing what an arrogant tool he is. The fact remains, however, that the gap between he and Pat Summit is only getting wider, and each dumb comment on his part only serves to make him look like more of a sour-grapes jackass than he already does.

I mean, really, Geno, who gives a damn right now? What relevance does this have to anything other than stroking your ego?

To her credit, Pat Summitt’s response was as appropriate as it was direct. Summitt simply stated:

It’s absolutely not worth a comment.

I imagine that if she had been responding directly to Geno — face to face — her words might have been more … pointed.

Don Imus, on the other hand chimed right in stating:

Auriemma’s tirade sounded like some whacked-out ghetto crack whore looking for a trick and some smack… **

Shortly thereafter, Imus followed-up this comment by indicating that he would be changing his name, undergoing plastic surgery, and moving to Paraguay. **

One way or the other, Auriemma is already cementing his position as the early front runner for the “2008-09 Women’s College Basketball Massengill Douchebag of the Year Award.”

Way to go Geno, once again you’ve outdone yourself…

In other Basketball news, the folks over at Hugging Harold Reynolds have made a breakthrough in the battle to combat global warming and environmental degradation, which links these problems directly to the NBA.

Who knew?

– Go Figure …

Quotes Courtesy of: GoVolsXtra • Images Courtesy of: SI.com & The Phoenix

**Disclaimer: As if it were not completely obvious, the quote from Don Imus is complete crap and is purely a creation of the unbalanced mind of the author. That quote is a fictional humorous depiction (a/k/a “Fark”), intended as satire, of Don Imus and his prior statements about “Nappy-Headed-Hos,” and does not reflect the views or position of Mr. Imus. Neither this posting, those who created it, nor this blog are in anyway affiliated with the Don Imus. So please don’t have your lawyers send me a bunch of nasty letters…

All other quotes in this article are — to the best of the author’s knowledge — accurate

A Exclusive

In light of recent developments in both Tuscaloosa and New York, Nick Saban announced this afternoon that former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer will be joining the Alabama Crimson Tide football staff immediately. This announcement occurred on the same day that Spitzer resigned as New York Governor and said good-bye to his Gubernatorial staff.

Eliot Spitzer saying goodbye to his New York Political Staff earlier this morning

Coach Saban introduced Spitzer to the media today at 12:30 pm, only one hour after he resigned as the Governor of New York by saying,

It’s, like, really cool to have such a heavy hitter coming to join us here in Miam … er … Tuscaloosa. I mean, we’ve had some off-field incidents, even I can’t deny that anymore. Well, I suppose I could, but then everyone would realize I’m full of shit.

Anyway, like I said, we’ve had some off the field issues — players causing fights, robbing co-eds at knife point, plotting the overthrow of the government and so forth, so I wanted to bring in someone who could really get tough on things. Immediately, I thought of Eliot, and — who’da believed it — he just happened to be … ummm … in transition. So it’s sort of a win-win situation from where I see it. So, uhhh, here he is.

Spitzer then addressed the media stating that he was thrilled to be offered a chance to join the Crimson Tide staff.

We all are looking for opportunities in life, and when Nick called, I immediately jumped at the challenge to come in and help reform this program. In my past as a lawyer, Attorney General, and Governor of New York, I’ve taken on big business, Wall Street, organized crime, and a whole crowd of street-walking crack-whores. I know that I have both the skills and the commitment to once again return integrity to the Alabama football program. I pledge to this university my promise that I will do everything in my power to see to it that each of the Tide players is accountable for their actions. Oh, and, … uh … I promise I won’t pay for sex anymore….

When asked what Spitzer’s compensation package would include Saban replied “Uhhh, money … oh yeah, and we’ve arranged for him to live with the Tri-Delts here on campus, so I suppose there will be some … err …. fringe benefits involved as well, but we’re still working out the details.“

Several of the members of the Tri -Delta Sorority appeared with Spitzer at the press conference. “These fine young ladies of Alabama have been most welcoming to me, as I have come to town today to take up the mantle of reform once again. I do so look forward to diving into them … I mean … into this project as we move forward.“

Eliot Spitzer commenting on the size of his … err … integrity with several members of the Alabama Tri-Delta Sorority in the background

Spitzer is set to assume the position his role with the Crimson Tide immediately, despite the fact that his wife was quoted as saying that “there was no f***in’ way in hell,” that she would be joining him.

Thus, Alabama looks to the future, and Eliot Spitzer once again finds himself surrounded by thugs, degenerates, and naked women…

– Go Figure …

More Farks on display at Gate 21’s Museum of Farks:

**Disclaimer: As if it were not completely obvious, this article is complete crap and is purely a creation of the unbalanced mind of the author. This article (along with all images contained therein) is a fictional humorous depiction (a/k/a “Fark”), intended as satire, and does not reflect the views or position of the University of Alabama, Nick Saban, or Eliot Spitzer. Neither this posting, those who created it, nor this blog are in anyway affiliated with the University of Alabama, Nick Saban, or Eliot Spitzer. So please don’t have your lawyers send me a bunch of nasty letters…