Posts Tagged ‘Bammers’

Five Reasons I Hate Alabama

The View From the Hill | Gate 21

Of Course There’s More Than Just Five…

As a current student at the beloved University of Tennessee, I guess I fit into that whole “new breed” of Tennessee fan. You know, the one that woos in Rocky Top (click here for all that) and hates Florida more than anything else.

While my hatred for the Gators is obviously high, I’ve gone and accepted the fact that the Vols just can’t consistently ever beat Florida. I hate Georgia quite a bit as well thanks to my venture down to Athens my freshman year (2006). It’s pretty much those three and a gap to everybody else, at least in terms of my SEC hatred. However, as I realized it’s Alabama week and Tennessee’s 0-for-2 against the aforementioned teams I hate, I came to this conclusion:

I really really hate Alabama the most.

To crush any hopes they have of an unbeaten season would be the highlight of this otherwise awful, painful football season. So, in an attempt to fire myself – as well as you, the faithful readers here at Gate 21 – up for Saturday night’s showdown, here’s my five major reasons I hate the Alabama Crimson Tide

1. Alabama cheated/cheats and blames Phil Fulmer for it.

Obviously, cheaters never prosper. It’s funny that Tide fans hate a man who was simply doing his civil duty. Not only that, but it wasn’t like any other SEC coaches weren’t behind Fulmer’s turning in the cheating Tide to the NCAA.

Of course we all know well Alabama’s history of cheating. It’s hilarious to me that they get caught. Look, “helping out recruits” goes on plenty of places. Remember, it’s only cheating if you get caught. It’s much like speeding down I-40 between Knoxville and Memphis for me…

The outward excuse of the Tide fans for hating Fulmer is of course his part in turning them in. I think it’s much deeper than that. I know Alabama’s won two of three, but Fulmer has a great record against them. Either that or they deny that there was ever any cheating was done…

No, you do not

2. “Got Twelve?” t-shirts and Houndstooth apparel…

I actually saw some guy in TRECS – that’s Tennessee’s rec center for students (it’s WAY nice) – with one of these on, which reminded me of this. It’s so typical of an Alabama fan: it involves lying/cheating, since the Tide (a) haven’t won 12 legitimate national titles and (b) it involves living in the past. In my lifetime, Alabama has been a middle-of-the-road SEC program, much like Tennessee is becoming, sadly enough.

I remember the Tide losing to Northern Illinois and Central Florida. I remember their 1997 loss to Tim Couch and Kentucky. I remember beating them 9 out of 10 years. One of my earliest Tennessee memories was the 1995 rout in Birmingham (below = owned). They’ve had something like seven different head coaches in my lifetime.

It looks stupid...

The houndstooth crap goes right along with it. Houndstooth reminds Bammers of the Bear Bryant days, when they were relevant (I will state the obvious that they are becoming relevant again…crap). Hats, shirts, Bear Bryant hats – it makes me sick.

And of course there’s those two Bammer fans with the toilet paper/Tide box on-a stick. I wish I was them, they are so incredibly cool…I hope I see one in Knoxville Saturday so I can laugh at them…

YouTube Preview Image

3. 2006

Flashback time. Third quarter, underdog Alabama has just scored thanks to a “catch” from D.J. Hall to take a 13-9 lead on Tennessee. Ensuing kickoff, LaMarcus Coker gets tackled along the far sideline from me, and doesn’t get up. Turns out it was a knee injury that took him out of the game.

During the injury timeout while Coker is being tended to, the stadium is quiet as it usually is for injuries. That is, until the Bama fans start get their stupid “Rooollll Tide!” chant going. While a Tennessee player is hurt. That’s class, folks. Hell, even the Georgia fans were quiet when Jason Allen was nearly cut in half by Leonard Pope the year before, and I don’t know if I’ve actually ever met a classy UGA fan.

If you saw the game or were there, you of course remember the UT students’ response: a loud, resounding, lengthy “F*** You Bama” chant that had to be heard on CBS. Tennessee went on to win that game, and I wasn’t nice to any Bammers I saw afterwards – old people, women, adults, anybody.

4. 2005 and 2007

I’ve made two trips to Tuscaloosa in my life, for both of the past two Tennessee games. The 6-3 loss in 2005 was the one that really doomed the rest of the season in my opinion, since Tennessee did everything but win that game.

Cory Anderson’s fumble happened in the end zone right in front of me. I thought it was six and bye-bye to Alabama’s then-unbeaten record. Of course, shortly after that, Brodie Croyle – how he was still alive after the beating he took that day I’ll never know – throws a prayer to Hall which sets up the game-winner.

As tough as that was, last year was worse. Here’s why: the Firehouse Subs right by Bryant-Denny screwed my buddy out of his sandwich, making us nearly miss kickoff; the game was at freakin’ 11:30 in the morning; our seats sucked; our coaches forgot how to coach; we lost 41-17.

There would be a book about it...

Unlike ’05, you don’t have to deal with the stupid Bammers when you leave with 10 minutes left in the game as opposed to right after a close one. The loss appeared completely catastrophic at the time, but even looking back it’s still bad, especially after having been to Gainesville earlier that year for the 59-20 beating the Vols took…

5. And finally, as a result from Reason #4, that stupid Rammer Jammer chant.

It’s still ringing in my head. For as stupid as Ole Miss’ Hotty Toddy is, this Bammer chant sucks so much more. I heard it nonstop leaving BDS in 2005 and I could hear it during the long walk from the nosebleeds through the parking lot last year. If I have to hear this crap ring through Neyland Stadium late Saturday night, I’m going to become really belligerent.

Of course, I can’t not post this YouTube video of this Alabama fan hating on Tennessee. I laugh every time I watch it, and I know it’s old and cliche, but I feel compelled to post it, if, for no other reason, than the feelings are reciprocal…

YouTube Preview Image

Well there you have it. There’s of course plenty more reasons I hate the Crimson Tide (an Elephant? Seriously?). I hope Smokey bites another Tide player in warmups, as he did to Mike McCoy (who’s still playing, actually) in 2006. I absolutely cannot wait to boo them Saturday night, and I hope and pray we miraculously dominate them.

Of course I’m leaving some out, so I encourage you the reader to leave some comments with your own reasons for hating Alabama.

Images Courtesy of: thecollegestore.comRobert H. Spain / Bleacher ReportBarnes and Noble

Well That Was Fun…

The View From the Hill | Gate 21

Nice Win, Now on to Bammer

This low expectations thing is working.

When you have low expectations and you lose, it’s not really a big deal. When you have low expectations and you beat an SEC team 34-3 at home at night, it’s actually kinda fun.

I know Tennessee is 3-4. I know Tennessee didn’t win an SEC game til Saturday night. I know our two rivals have brushed the Vols off with relative ease, and our third is coming in ranked #2 in the country. So I definitely decided to enjoy the win over Mississippi State Saturday night in Neyland Stadium.

I know I was really negative last week, but I never really felt like Tennessee was going to lose. Does that mean I think the Vols beat Alabama Saturday night, or even keep it close? Not really. But, hey, a win’s a win. And in a season where getting six of them might not be a given, why not enjoy the ones you get?

See, told you I was a positive guy…

Please keep feeding #3...

The offense still isn’t very good. Was there improvement Saturday night? I would say slight, if for nothing else that Lennon Creer basically was the last TD drive for Tennessee and led the team in rushing. Nick Stephens continues to do two things well: (a) not throw INTs and (b) hit the deep ball to Denarius Moore. With Gerald Jones‘ ankle up in the air, Moore could become an even more important part of the offense.

This team continues to play hard, despite the rough times and empty seats. Sitting in the fourth row, I can see the team’s attitude starting the game, and they came out ready and played hard. There were also no turnovers and no penalties Saturday night – that in itself is improvement.

The defense played very well Saturday night. Mississippi State’s is obviously really bad. But there is slight hope, as outside of Alabama – and the Tide aren’t exactly a Big XII offense by any means – the rest of the schedule is slight on offensive powerhouses. State QB Tyson Lee is probably still (a) sore from being hit often and (b) tired from running around for his life quite a bit.

The best part of the night was easily Eric Berry‘s pick six, and Demetrice Morley‘s answer. Berry is a special, special talent, and that’s still not doing him due justice. It’s his third straight week with a pick, and after coming terribly close to taking them all the way back, he finally got one. I recorded it originally on the JumboTron replay, but managed to get the TV replay’s version later. It’s now on YouTube (from me) and here it is:

YouTube Preview Image

I’m hoping Berry keeps giving me these opportunities to put up videos of his awesomeness each week. If Tennessee was going to lose every game, I would still want to watch it, just to see Berry make something exciting happen. With the uncertainty with Gerald Jones’ status, why not try EB out on offense. What does Tennessee have to lose?

Oh, so Tennessee does have a deep threat?

So while that was fun, the reality is this next weekend can make/break the salvaging of the season. Let me put it this way…

I want to ruin Alabama’s season.

I hinted last week that beating Alabama was basically the only really exciting thing to look forward to the rest of the year. This is the truth. Beating Alabama would be sweet. Should be expect it? I don’t know. The Tide have played excellent in big games this year (Clemson, Georgia) but more ordinary in games against Ole Miss and Kentucky.

Front row AGAIN!

Ironically enough, the student tickets for the Alabama game are black. Black usually symbolizes death. Will Saturday night be the death of the Tennessee program? Could it be a potentially embarrassing home loss to our long-time hated rival?

Low expectations have worked well so far. That’s all I’m saying.

I’ll have more on this game this week, including my Five Reasons I Hate Alabama. I’m incredibly excited it’s a night game, and I hope the atmosphere is as if Tennessee was also undefeated. I don’t give a you-know-what how badly you want Coach Fulmer gone (I do too, remember) – who wants to lose to Alabama? Why wouldn’t you want to be their first loss?

My challenge: think all week long about how much you hate Alabama. Think why, how, all that. If that doesn’t work, then there’s something wrong with you.

Images Courtesy of: Wade Payne / AP (Daylife)Wade Payne / AP (Daylife)

The State of Hate: Football Rivalries at Tennessee

No Pass Out Checks | Gate21

Tennessee FootballRivalries are the essence of college football.

Rivalries — and I mean “real” rivalries, not just the “Oh, I really hope we beat Team X” sort of competition — are what drives so much of the passion that comes with college football season and what compels so many of us to travel great distances, expend huge sums of money, lose sleep, risk personal injury, get arrested for disorderly conduct, and the like for the sole purpose of seeing our team play against our fiercest rival. It is the fire-in-the-belly that keeps us coming back for more. It is a question of pride, of respect, of tradition, and (sometimes) insanity.

The funny thing about rivalries is that they are not always two-way streets. That is, just because Kentucky Wildcats fans feel in their heart that the New England Patriots are their most intense and hated rival, it doesn’t necessarily follow that the Patriots care about Kentucky at all (except to the extent that Bill Bellichick is willing to rent a helicopter and hire some off-duty FBI agents to tape the Kentucky practices, but that’s really nothing the slightest bit out of the ordinary).

My point is this: rivalries are special and they require … the only word I can think of is “maintenance.” As the old axiom goes, “there is a thin line between love and hate” — they are opposite ends of the same consuming emotion. In our “real” lives — independent of the sports world strong relationships or aversions require something to keep them going. Anyone who is married (or perhaps used to be) knows this is true. By the same token, for most people, the same is true for hateful relationships (the exception to this being people like Adolph Hitler, members of the KKK, and the like – they simply enjoy hatred too much, which is why they have special condos reserved for them at the warmer end of Hell). For most of us, however, it is hard to continue truly despising someone, unless they give us a reason to do so. The fundamental point here is that, over time, both good and bad emotions cool and fade.

The same is true for college football rivalries. The peculiar thing is that, unlike personal relationships, a heaping helping of animus and acid can be a good thing when it comes to football. Thus, keeping the flames of animosity burning is very important. Thus, I pose a simple question:

What is the “state” of football rivalry at Tennessee?

As a general rule, I think that the core rivalries between Tennessee and others are healthy and hateful. Then again, precisely who is Tennessee’s biggest rival?

Throughout the history of the Tennessee Football program, rivalries have often been heated, but not always lasting. For orange-blooded fans who came of age at any time during the period spanning from the late 1950s up until the early 1990s, there really was little question about who the Vols’ most despised rival is and always will be. Falling within this era, it is easy for me to give rivalry a face…

I know the true colors of mine enemy, and he is as crimson as blood in the vein.

Alabama FootballYes, for me Tennessee’s greatest rival will always be the Alabama Crimson Tide — there is no other rivalry in my mind which even comes close. It is a rivalry which spans decades — beginning in the late 1930s and the era of General Neyland, flowing into the late 1950s and 60s and the emergence of the man known as “Bear,” and continuing up to the present. To me, the truest rivalry for Tennessee is its blood-feud with the Tide. The Tennessee / Alabama series is Dixie’s great football war. To me, the most important game of the season will always be known not by its participants, but by its date…

…The Third Saturday in October.

This is what I have always known, this is what resonates with me. For some followers of the Big Orange, however, the face of rivalry takes on a decidedly different hue. Most notably, Vol fans who cemented their bonds in the 1990s — in many instances — consider not the Tide, but the Florida Gators to be the most fearsome rivalry for Tennessee. Given the course of SEC football history for the last 15 years or so, this is understandable.

Still others — due to location, personal experience, perceived slights, the balance of power, where their ex-spouses went to school, how much they’ve had to drink, or whether it is a Tuesday — consider other teams to be Tennessee’s greatest rival, such as the Georgia Bulldogs or the Memphis Tigers (which I simply don’t get).

Thus, I suppose it is fair to ask who is Tennessee’s greatest rival?

If you look at rivalries in terms of tradition and history, I really think it is hard to argue with the notion that Tennessee and Alabama have fought one another doggedly for a longer period of time than any of the other schools in the SEC. My blood still simmers at the thought that Alabama is one of only a handful of schools against whom Tennessee has an all-time losing record. In 89 contests since 1901, Tennessee is 38-44-7 all-time against the Tide. Even more bothersome for me were the two noteworthy streaks by Alabama during my lifetime: 1971-1981 and 1986-94. During those 20 seasons, Tennessee’s record against the Tide was an abysmal 0-19-1.

Statistics like that make you wake up at 3:00 am and retch your guts out — therein lies the birth of rivalry.

Florida FootballThen, of course there are the Florida Gators. Surprisingly to some, Tennessee and Florida have only played 36 times in the schools’ collective histories. Tennessee clings to a lead in the series at 19-17-0. That statistic, however, is really a tale of two different eras. From 1916 until 1990, Tennessee was 14-6-0 versus the Gators, but from 1991 to the present, Tennessee is only 5-11-0. Those numbers speak volumes about the way that series has changed since the day a guy named Steve Spurrier walked into Gainesville and — for the first time in the history of the University of Florida — made the Gators respectable. From there it was a short way to making them winners. It is easy to understand why many modern fans of the Vols seethe with venom at the mention of the U of F.

Of course mere competition and loathing is not the only thing that goes into a rivalry — there are a lot of  other elements to a rivalry, including that little thing called “respect.” Even though I consider Alabama and Florida to be Tennessee’s two main rivals in the modern era, the “faces” of those rivalries in my eyes are decidedly different.

I hate to lose to Alabama. Hate it, hate it, hate it with a passion — with all that I am,  I hate to lose to those people.  Man, do I hate it!  I do not, however, hate Alabama — I respect them.  No, that does not mean I want Phil Fulmer to start emulating Nick Saban, or anything like that, but as a program — taking all of the history, tradition, fans, and other intangibles into account — I do respect the Crimson Tide. I have often described Tennessee’s rivalry with the Tide as a “classic” or “gentlemen’s” rivalry (and, no, that doesn’t mean that there are pole dancers involved). Speaking from my own experience, I would sum it up like this:

When it comes to the Tennessee / Alabama game, you pull like hell for your team in the stadium, and then you drink a beer with one another after it is over…

My point is that while the Vols and the Tide may declare war on the field — for me — it stays on the field. I can honestly say that any time Alabama is playing a non-conference opponent I pull for the Tide without reservation. The rivalry is one grounded in mutual respect (after all, I think Johnny Majors in his prime could drink just as much bourbon as the Bear — which is pretty cool, if you ask me). I know there are those who will disagree with me on this, but that’s what the rivalry “feels” like to me.

When it comes to Florida, on the other hand, I cannot stand one single thing about that school, and having attended games in Gainesville on multiple occasions, I can honestly say that I’d rather have my intestines removed through my nose … with a spoon … than go back. That would be true regardless of whether Tennessee won the game or not. I am not going to use this article as a flame-fest and just talk about how much I hate Florida, and I’m trying very hard not to let my personal thoughts and bad experiences seep into this too much — there’s no point or value in that. Thus, in the interest of avoiding a slanging match, I will use an example.

As many Tennessee fans can doubtless recall, on several occasions there have been instances where, Florida winning against another team (most notably Georgia) would help Tennessee in terms of the Vols’ ranking in the SEC East.  I remember being asked at the time, whether I would pull for Florida if it would help the Vols. My response to that question is as simple as it is heartfelt:

I hate Florida more than I love the Vols…

I will never pull for Florida under any circumstance, no matter how much it might hurt the Vols. Suffice it to say, based on my personal experience I have no respect for the Gators. Not a drop.

That is but one more reason Alabama ranks first in my book…

Thus, the team which I rank as Tennessee’s greatest rival is not the team I hate most — which I suppose is inherently inconsistent. For me, however, a rivalry is something more than unabashed hatred — though it does go a long way toward starting a rivalry. Ultimately, I feel that a true rivalry requires more. For me, that will always mean Alabama. Quite frankly, I don’t think Florida is worth elevating to that status (yep, that one’s gonna get me some hate mail).

Of course, another thing that must be considered if assessing these rivalries is what the rival thinks of Tennessee. For any rivalry to be maintained, the feelings of animosity must be mutual. Let me give you an example.

Vanderbilt FootballThe reality is that most fans of the Vanderbilt Commodores probably consider the Vols to be their biggest rival. Tennessee and Vanderbilt are only about 3 hours apart, and they both call the same state home. It is easy for Vanderbilt to hate Tennessee. If you ask the average Vol fan, however, it is doubtful that Vanderbilt is anywhere near the top of their list of Tennessee’s rivals in terms of significance. While Vol fans tend to take Vanderbilt more seriously than they used to since Vanderbilt’s 2005 victory against the Vols — snapping Tennessee’s 22-game win streak — with an overall series record of 68-27-5 in Tennessee’s favor, it is doubtful most orange-clad faithful truly despise Vanderbilt. Having been present at Vanderbilt’s 2005 win, there were more than a few Vol fans (already disgusted with Tennessee’s performance that year) who openly congratulated Vanderbilt, or — at a minimum — admitted that the ’Dores were due.

Still, it wasn’t always that way…

From 1892 until 1927, Vanderbilt dominated Tennessee, compiling a record of 18-2-3 against the hapless Vols. The rivalry between the two schools was so great that, in 1925, when it came time to hire a new football coach, Robert Neyland was told that the only requirement of his employment was that he beat Vanderbilt. Keen on maintaining his livelihood, Neyland completely reshaped the dynamic of the Tennessee / Vanderbilt rivalry. Under Neyland, Tennessee began establishing itself as a winning program and embarked on an 82 year stretch during which Vanderbilt would win a grand total of 9 games in 77 tries. With that change, the rivalry rapidly faded into memory — at least for Tennessee fans.

So do Alabama and Florida consider Tennessee to be a true rival?

While I am not going to purport to speak for the Tide or the Gators (and I freely invite any comments from those out there who might actually stumble upon this article) I would imagine that the Vols are definitely an “honorable mention” in terms of rivalry for each. Still, given the fact that both Alabama and Florida have fierce in-state rivalries with the Auburn Tigers and Florida State Seminoles respectively, I doubt that — if polled — a majority at either school would place Tennessee at the top of the heap in terms of rivalry. In fact, at some level, I question whether any school in the SEC other than Vanderbilt would dub Tennessee as their most hated rival. The one other possible candidate might be the Georgia Bulldogs who — for the better part of my lifetime — have seemed utterly unable to consistently find a way to beat Tennessee no matter how heavily skewed the odds are in the Bulldogs’ favor.

I suppose, in the end, Tennessee is everyone’s second most hated team…

Either way, however, I do hope that these rivalries continue to exist and grow in terms or their intensity and fervor. While “true” hatred (and by that I mean real hatred of real people along the lines of the whackos noted at the top of this article) is a terribly ugly and reprehensible thing, I believe that a little faux-hatred directed at another team (not its individual fans) can be a very healthy thing for the game of college football — if for no other reason than to drive those competitive instincts into a fury. While I feel Tennessee’s rivalries with Alabama and Florida are in good shape at present — at least in terms of their staying power — it is always possible that they could fizzle out.

Of course, each fan of each team has the ability to define rivalry in their own terms. So too, changes in the game constantly reshape the landscape of college football, creating new affection, enmity, and apathy. Thus, it is impossible for me to say who Tennessee’s biggest rival will be in 10 years, 20 years, or beyond. I will not try to tell anyone what team they should despise.

I just hope that they find that one team … and keep those fires stoked for years to come.

– Go Figure …Email lawvol

Flashback: The Great Games — Alabama 1995


The Great Games |

The Third Saturday in October, 1995

(14 October 1995)

Tennessee Football vs. Alabama Football

Tennessee 41 Alabama 14

Legion Field

There are a fair number of people in Orange Nation who — ignoring the whole “national championship thing” in 1998 — are of the opinion that the 1995 Tennessee Volunteers may have been the best football team fielded by the Big Orange in the modern era. Regardless of whether they were better than any other team — the 1995 Vols were pretty darn good, and were a hell of a lot of fun to watch. Thus, a few of the games from that season make my all-time list.

It’s probably not all that hard to figure out the first one (No, I’m not referring to the stinkin’ East Carolina Game)

I don’t know that I necessarily agree or disagree with the folks who think the 1995 team is better than the 1998 team. I think there are strong points that can be made for both squads, but hardly settle the issue. After all, who is “best” is really a matter of opinion. This is the sort of debate which leads Basilio to offer his catch phrase of deepest profundity:

Hmmm …. Interesting.

Translation: “I really don’t feel like arguing with you about this because I can’t prove you’re wrong, and you can’t prove you’re right.Of course, some folks love trying to prove their opinions are fact or — at a minimum — are superior to your opinions (“Oh, but I can prove it! Really, I can — with a crayon, a note from my Mother, and this bit of string…” ). The type of people who seem to gravitate toward that sort of behavior are usually a little short on knowledge and a little long on ego which, while annoying at times, is forgivable. The rest are just egomaniacal degenerates, politicians, and lawyers (ugh)…

… but I digress (sigh).

By the time 1995 rolled around Tennessee had managed to keep from beating the Alabama Crimson Tide for nine (that’s right, I said “NINE”) utterly abominable years. To that point, Tennessee had only beaten Alabama four times in my entire lifetime, which — from my perspective — sucked. The Vols came within a hair of beating Alabama in 1993, only to tie (that game was later forfeited to Tennessee due to Bama having offered big piles of cash to their players from 1958 until … well … minutes before the sanctions were imposed. Still, a forfeit on paper is hardly a win.). In 1994, my freshman year on the Hill, another freshman — some Manning kid — didn’t see an open passing lane to James “Little Man” Stewart who was standing in the endzone, all by himself, and practically sending smoke signals begging for the ball on the final play of the game. Victory to the Tide. Needless to say, I — along with every other Tennessee fan — was ready for that streak to end.

The game, like every other Tennessee-Alabama contest played in the state of Alabama from 1932-1999, was played at Legion Field in Birmingham.

If you’ve never been to Legion Field … skip it.

Read the rest of this entry

Saban Announces Addition of Eliot Spitzer to Alabama Staff

A Gate 21 Exclusive Exclusive

In light of recent developments in both Tuscaloosa and New York, Nick Saban announced this afternoon that former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer will be joining the Alabama Crimson Tide football staff immediately. This announcement occurred on the same day that Spitzer resigned as New York Governor and said good-bye to his Gubernatorial staff.

Spitzer Saying Good-bye to his Staff

Eliot Spitzer saying goodbye to his New York Political Staff earlier this morning

Coach Saban introduced Spitzer to the media today at 12:30 pm, only one hour after he resigned as the Governor of New York by saying,

It’s, like, really cool to have such a heavy hitter coming to join us here in Miam … er … Tuscaloosa. I mean, we’ve had some off-field incidents, even I can’t deny that anymore. Well, I suppose I could, but then everyone would realize I’m full of shit.

Anyway, like I said, we’ve had some off the field issues — players causing fights, robbing co-eds at knife point, plotting the overthrow of the government and so forth, so I wanted to bring in someone who could really get tough on things. Immediately, I thought of Eliot, and — who’da believed it — he just happened to be … ummm … in transition. So it’s sort of a win-win situation from where I see it. So, uhhh, here he is.

Spitzer then addressed the media stating that he was thrilled to be offered a chance to join the Crimson Tide staff.

We all are looking for opportunities in life, and when Nick called, I immediately jumped at the challenge to come in and help reform this program. In my past as a lawyer, Attorney General, and Governor of New York, I’ve taken on big business, Wall Street, organized crime, and a whole crowd of street-walking crack-whores. I know that I have both the skills and the commitment to once again return integrity to the Alabama football program. I pledge to this university my promise that I will do everything in my power to see to it that each of the Tide players is accountable for their actions. Oh, and, … uh … I promise I won’t pay for sex anymore….

When asked what Spitzer’s compensation package would include Saban replied “Uhhh, money … oh yeah, and we’ve arranged for him to live with the Tri-Delts here on campus, so I suppose there will be some … err …. fringe benefits involved as well, but we’re still working out the details.

Several of the members of the Tri -Delta Sorority appeared with Spitzer at the press conference. “These fine young ladies of Alabama have been most welcoming to me, as I have come to town today to take up the mantle of reform once again. I do so look forward to diving into them … I mean … into this project as we move forward.

Spitzer and Alabama Tri-Deltas

Eliot Spitzer commenting on the size of his … err … integrity with several members of the Alabama Tri-Delta Sorority in the background

Spitzer is set to assume the position his role with the Crimson Tide immediately, despite the fact that his wife was quoted as saying that “there was no f***in’ way in hell,” that she would be joining him.

Thus, Alabama looks to the future, and Eliot Spitzer once again finds himself surrounded by thugs, degenerates, and naked women…

– Go Figure …

More Farks on display at Gate 21′s Museum of Farks:

Tennessee Home for the Visually Offensive

**Disclaimer: As if it were not completely obvious, this article is complete crap and is purely a creation of the unbalanced mind of the author. This article (along with all images contained therein) is a fictional humorous depiction (a/k/a “Fark”), intended as satire, and does not reflect the views or position of the University of Alabama, Nick Saban, or Eliot Spitzer. Neither this posting, those who created it, nor this blog are in anyway affiliated with the University of Alabama, Nick Saban, or Eliot Spitzer. So please don’t have your lawyers send me a bunch of nasty letters…

Headlines, Links & Lies…

Yeah, I’m sick of recruiting too…

A few links worth looking at:

YouTube Preview Image

– Go Figure …

BasketVols Hold off the Tide, Shake the Coleman Jinx

Despite intense play by the Bammers, the No 7 BasketVols managed to hold off Tide and win in Coleman Coliseum for the first time since 1998, 93 -86. Chris Lofton — continuing his return to his form of last year, scored 23 points, while Tyler Smith added a double-double with 17 points and 11 rebounds. That is a cause for celebration.

On the flip side, the BasketVols allowed 23 turnovers and allowed Alabama to whittle Tennessee’s 10-point lead down to 3 late in the second half. Fortunately, JaJuan Smith fired off three rapid-fire three pointers to put the game away. After the game, Coach Pearl criticized his squad for playing recklessly on offense and defense, especially during the first-half, when they shot only 31% from the floor.

To their credit, the Tide played with real fire in front of the “white out” full house at Coleman Coliseum — which has been a house of horrors for the Vols over the years. The Tide had four scorers in double figures, led by Alonzo Gee, who added 27 points to the Tide total.

While the BasketVols are now 18-2 (5-1 in the SEC), and in the driver’s seat in the SEC East, they must focus in on better discipline on both defense and offense if they want to be playing deep into March. Be that as it may, a win is a win. In the past, this would have been a game the Vols would have lost. Under Coach Pearl, however, they just seem to find a way to win. That confidence has to be a boost for the team as they head down the stretch in February. The good news is, with their 18th win, the BasketVols have already qualified for the NCAA Tournament.

For a more in-depth breakdown, visit the Bruce Ball Blog.

Next up, the Vols face the Bulldogs of Mississippi State in Starkville, on Saturday, 2 February at 7:00pm.

- Go Figure …lawvol Sam & Andy's Forever

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