Archive for the ‘Complete Bullshit’ Category

Miss Me?

Those of you who normally visit us here at the Gate will obviously noticed that, well, I have been non-existent since Thanksgiving. No lawvol did not ban me, change my password and lock me out of WordPress, and I have not quit blogging or anything else.

Simply put, I’ve had to finish up this semester with finals and studying and all that nonsense. Then there was the painting of our apartment, which is more than likely what I was doing when I wasn’t studying. As it is, I’m back in Memphis for the between-semester break.

Quite a bit has gone on since my last posting, and I’m sure I’ll have more on these things and others as they come about over the next however long. As it is here’s what I’ll touch on right here and right now with Vols football and hoops:

1. Farewill Philip Fulmer and hello Lane (and Monte) Kiffin.

Some Vol fan might have shed a tear or two, but I was all smiles of happiness watching Fulmer go out the way he did and the way he should be remembered: a winner

First off, an absolutely great performance in the season finale for the Vols as they beat Kentucky 28-10. The defense finished off an excellent season and the offense actually scored four touchdowns, running left, right, up the middle, around the end, all over the Cats. Even Jonathan Crompton completed that beautiful touchdown pass to Denarius Moore.

If there was a way for Coach Fulmer to go out, that might have been it: being carried off the field by a pair of seniors going out as a winner.

Honestly, that seems like a distant memory now, because these last two weeks have been all about new head coach Lane Kiffin and (a) the speculation of the staff he might/is assemble/ing and (b) the Sherman like march of recruiting. I think the guy finally returned to Knoxville a couple of days ago after tearing through the state, the West Coast, Ohio, and who knows where else. He’s gotten a commitment from Eric Gordon, some visits from guys who weren’t probably planning on it, and consideration from guys who might have had Tennessee out of the picture.

I am convinced Lane Kiffin did not sleep during his two week recruiting tear...

It’s obviously been two weeks as Tennessee’s coach, but so far so good if you ask me. He said at his press conference that he was going to try and outwork other coaches, and so far you can’t really say he hasn’t done that. And we’re still waiting on the completion of his staff, which won’t happen until after the NFL season most likely. Of the last regime coaches who are still in limbo, I would expect Latrell Scott to be the most likely to stay. And of course I think it’s all-but-official on Monte Kiffin as the defensive coordinator, which is great. Still awaiting word on Ed Orgeron and the rest of the staff. Lane was given an extra million for staff salaries, and Tennessee fans are being kept waiting on the potentially all-star staff Tennessee could have next year.

Finally, as fans, let’s give this guy a chance. If you watched the SEC Championship game, you realize we are quite a bit behind Florida. In fact, I firmly believe that the SEC going forward will be an Urban-Saban world that the rest of us will be living in. To be competitive, Tennessee was going to have to hire someone who could compete with those two guys in recruiting and X’s and O’s. Is Lane Kiffin that guy? Only time will tell. Some are skeptical (you know who you are), but I’m not. He’s young, he’s energetic, and I think he has a chance to be great.

Also, a shout-out to former offensive coordinator Dave Clawson, now the new head man at Bowling Green. Seriously, I wish him much success at his new place, and I’m glad he landed very much on his feet. Now I just hope he doesn’t take Latrell Scott with him…

2. Eric Berry gets Manninged

Someone explain to me how Eric Berry didn’t win the Thorpe award over Ohio State’s Malcolm Jenkins. I know Jenkins is like a no-brainer first round NFL pick and whatever and it’s harder to make a statistical impact at corner because you don’t get thrown to blah blah blah but that’s pure robbery.

It’s crap like that gives me plenty of reason to not care about any of the postseason awards, including and especially the Heisman. Call me a homer, bitter, whatever, but just like much of the rest of college football, it’s quite political.

Playing a DECEMBER road game against a team with a guy named Christmas: bad idea

3. Not sure any of us expected that…

My last basketball related words were of the high-praise variety, following the Vols win over Georgetown in the Old Spice Classic semifinals. Since then, Tennessee lost to a good Gonzaga team, sleep-walked by UNC-Asheville (mad props to Tyler Smith for turning the first triple-double in Tennessee hoops history), and got smoked by a Temple team playing at a high level at home.

Now I’m an optimistic guy, so here’s why Vols fans shouldn’t be totally freaking out: first, J.P. Prince was out and, though he gets a bad rap at times, he is quite a valuable guy for Tennessee. In addition, this was Tennessee’s first true road game with a number of new guys, Temple is no slouch, it’s still December, and Bruce Pearl is the coach. Remember two years ago when Tennessee went to South Carolina in mid-February and got run out of the gym similar to Saturday? Yeah, that team had less athleticism and they reached the Sweet 16. Let’s not get too bent out of shape here…

That said, things aren’t all hunky-dory. Defense is an issue. The press has been for the most part ineffective especially against Gonzaga and Temple, both of whom have experienced guards. Wayne Chism has yet to continue the growth and progress he made last year, and the platoon of him and Brian Williams have struggled the last couple of games. The three-point shooting has also been inconsistent.

It doesn’t get easier, as Tennessee faces off against Marquette in Nashville Tuesday night. The Eagles also have experienced guards in Dominic James, Jerel McNeal and Wesley Matthews. It will be interesting to see how Tennessee will bounce back from Saturday’s loss.

I will be in the house for that game, and if for no other reason, Tennessee should win because I’ve seen Tennessee lose in person all of twice in my most immediate past: LSU in the SEC Tournament two years ago and the loss at Memphis State in Bruce’s first year. I’ll have my camera, so hopefully I’ll get some quality photos and/or video and get to share them with you, the wonderful readers of Gate 21 (no guarantees, however…)

As it is, I’m glad to be back posting again and lawvol and I should have some good stuff going this month.

Images Courtesy of: Michael Patrick / KNS • Michael Patrick / KNS • H. Rumph Jr. / AP (ESPN.com)

Of course by now those of you who actually read my posts know of my complete lack of creativity, since I mention it ad nauseum. I’m also not really all that funny of a guy either. However, this is actually pretty funny…

Unfortunately, I did not come up with it. No, that credit belongs to a co-worker of mine who showed/told me it shortly after deadline (I work at the News-Sentinel…the Scoreboard page? yes, that’s what I do) one night a couple weeks ago.

Here it is:

DUCK

DUCK

GOOSE (GOSSAGE)

There you go. If at first you don’t have a clue, that’s fine – neither did I. Trust me, though, it’ll make perfect sense when someone (or me) gives you the answer. I can’t really offer any kind of reward since I’m just a college student (yes, I did just play that card), but I can offer you this: pride. Sometimes pride is the best thing you can win. This is one of those times…

So just leave your guesses down there as a comment and I’ll let you know what the answer is if/when someone gets it right. Enjoy!!

Images Courtesy of: Butch Dill / AP (Daylife) • Getty Images (Daylife) • Passions of the Weiss

Please??

I know, I know, forfeiting – what you might call quitting – is a bad thing. But after watching the most pitiful display of football last Saturday from my nice comfortable seats in the second row of the upper deck, I really wish it just be November 30 already and the end of this horribly difficult 2008 season.

Before I say anything else, I need to congratulate the Wyoming Cowboys for their win. They played hard and didn’t make mistakes. That’s what every underdog everywhere in every sport pretty much has to do to pull off an upset.

Congrats to Wyoming, but there is no way they should beat any Tennessee team

Here are some relevant stats for Wyoming: coming into Saturday, they were 3-6, 1-5 in the Mountain West. Good enough for a tie for seventh in the league, with UNLV. The week before they crushed San Diego State for their lone MWC win (and I joked that they would actually beat Tennessee when I saw they won this game rather easily). Head coach Joe Glenn was likely (and still may be) going to be out of a job at season’s end.

The three-headed monster making the MWC look like an underrated conference – Utah, TCU and BYU – beat the Cowboys 138-14. This team was the worst offensive team in the country coming into Saturday’s game.

And this team came into Neyland Stadium and beat Tennessee.

OK, I admit I laughed after the first fluky near pick-six. That play was so typical of our season. I wasn’t laughing after the second one. I wasn’t laughing after the incomplete passes on fourth downs late in the game.

But I was walking out, I really wasn’t all that mad. I really wasn’t even all that embarrassed. I bailed on caring about this season long ago. Does it suck when we look back in the near future and see Tennessee actually did lose to Wyoming? Well of course. But honestly, most people – myself very much included – care more about the coaching search than the Vandy and Kentucky games.

And we should be. Why? Because if the players are going to claim to go out there and play “all-out” for their fired coach, and they show what they showed last Saturday, why should we care? Look, many fans may have stopped watching awhile ago. I said I was gonna watch as long as the effort was there. It was clearly missing Saturday.

So I made the immediate decision (sometime around the middle of the fourth quarter) that I sure as hell won’t be coming up for Kentucky – and I’m not the only one I’m sure. Call me fair-weathered, whatever you want. I showed my support for Philip Fulmer. I gave him a pat on the shoulder and a “thanks coach” at the Vol Walk last week. If they’re going to respond by not showing up and losing to WYOMING, why should I still show my support?

Now I’m not saying the team owes me, the fan, anything. Well, showing some signs of caring would be nice. Let me put it this way, and keep in mind I’m not one to bash players: where was Arian Foster? “Thigh bruise?” Funny, Dan Williams, Ellix Wilson, Wes Brown and others haven’t seemed to be effected with playing through injuries.

To close out, people always talk about Tennessee being completely irrelevant. Well, there are ways to stay relevant, even at 3-6 with a lame-duck coach. One is losing to Wyoming. Other possibilities? Being Vanderbilt’s bowl-clinching, history-making, streak-breaking sixth win. Having the nation’s longest streak of ownage broken on your home field on the day to honor a coaching legend. Hello, 3-9…

Fortunately, hoops season starts Saturday night. I’ll have more on that and more on my choice for Tennessee’s next coach in the near future.

It is going to be nice to finally win something...

Oh don’t worry, it’s coming…

Images Courtesy of: Michael Patrick / GVX • Amy Smotherman-Burgess / GVX

Disbelief and embarrassment. It took a few moments for last night’s loss to UCLA to really sink in. This morning before I left for class I was trying to find a comparable loss that I’ve been a part of, and I’m not sure there is one (maybe Arkansas ‘99?). It’s been awhile since Tennessee can really truly say it was upset like it was last night.

Even my two roommates – neither of whom are the most diehard of fans – were nearly speechless after the game. Most Tennessee fans were expecting a relatively easy win, though I wasn’t totally convinced just based on last year’s West Coast trip. Few people, if any, outside L.A. expected a UCLA win.

After a quick cleanup of the apartment, quickly finishing off some (water), and getting a midnight snack out of anger, I ventured onto VolQuest for some comic relief. I didn’t read much from those message boards, but the meltdown was epic. Some of what I saw from the crazier side of our fanbase:

• “Fire Fulmer!”
• “Chavis and Slade still need to go!”
• “Who’s ready for basketball season?”
• “Clawson sucks” and “Clawson belongs back in the FCS”
• “Crompton sucks” and “I miss Ainge”
• another thread bashing Arian Foster for his fumble
• “Thank God for DEER SEASON!”

The scapegoat on much of Facebook last night was Daniel Lincoln (unfairly). Campus today was more or less ho-hum. I didn’t really hear much talk about the game as I expected, but then again those who cared the most were probably still emotionally, mentally, and most of all physically recovering from it (i.e., skipping class – I sucked it up and went). The team hadn’t arrived back as of an hour ago either.

Me? I’m over it. No use overreacting after just one game, especially after last year’s ups and downs. Admittedly I bailed on the season at least six or seven different times last year and learned my lesson. I would be foolish to do so this early.

As for my thoughts on the game itself, it’s simple: we got outcoached. I don’t want to say we got outplayed, but UCLA wanted it more later in the game. We should have won the game and put UCLA away in the third quarter but gave it away. Why? Coaching.

I liked what I saw with the defense. We shut down UCLA for all but two drives really for the first three quarters, but to Norm Chow’s credit, he adjusted and John Chavis did not. Chow went to quick three-step drops and easy throws to get Kevin Craft into a rhythm and raise his confidence after 4 INTs in the first half. Chavis? He went all ‘07 Bama-soft, letting the best safeties in the country play 25 yards off the ball while UCLA dinked/dunked down the field.

It’s not that Craft was throwing into tight spots against double coverage – dudes were WIDE OPEN. Again, can we not put a whole game together defensively? Chavis failed to make adjustments.

Offensively, it was U-G-L-Y. I’m not as down on the playcalling as much as everybody else, other than obviously we should have pounded the rock ALOT more. Arian Foster and Montario Hardesty were running well and it was working and obviously Dave Clawson should have stuck with it. The passes themselves that were called weren’t terrible – we had guys in spots to make plays.

That falls on Jonathan Crompton. First game jitters I can understand, but Crompton just wasn’t very good. The offensive line didn’t help with a poor game – the group was inconsistent running the ball and Crompton was seemingly hit every other play.

Being a student I’ve become very hesitant to directly blame players for losses (‘07 SEC CG and ‘06 Outback Bowl notwithstanding). Foster’s fumble definitely changed momentum but bottom line is that Tennessee should have put them game away by that point and still had opportunities to win afterwards. Crompton was decent when he had time to throw, but that wasn’t often.

UCLA’s gameplan wasn’t rocket science: play strong, physical defense and force Crompton to win the game, keep the game close into the fourth quarter and see what happens. The remnants of the Bruin offense came to life and they even got a special teams score to boot (no pun intended). Our coaches looked lost and confused.

Also, count me as one who now wants to see us playing Directional Schools for the Deaf and Blind to open up. These West Coast trips are good for recruiting and the program – when you win and NOT for openers. Last year and this year are just killing Tennessee’s national perception. I see no reason to risk all that in the season’s first game. Thankfully, we open up with Western Kentucky next year (followed by a revenge-filled visit by UCLA).

Like I said, I’m over the loss and I’m not bailing. Tennessee has LOTS of work to do, but to me the offensive problems are fixable. With a new QB and new offensive system there’s going to be growing pains. We’re just further behind than I think everybody thought.

I’m probably a bit more optimistic (if you couldn’t tell) than some of my fellow Vol bloggers. Beating Florida is possible, but work needs to get done. Beat Florida and this sick feeling will be soon forgotten. Obviously Tennessee will be a bigger underdog for that game with last night’s loss and (though overplayed) it’s worked out in the past. I’m just sayin’…

This Week’s Host: The Power T

Week Zwei

(That’s German for “2″)

This week’s Big Orange Roundtable is hosted by none other than The Power T, who has served up a heapin’ helpin’ of questions for we “Volggers” to consider. Being that I am all about riding the coat-tails of others (and the fact they haven’t kicked me out of the Roundtable … yet) here are Gate 21’s thoughts on all that is this week in the world of Tennessee Football.

(Questions in Sort-o-Teal-like color)

1) A position of strength for the Vols this fall should be wide receivers. Which 2 guys will emerge from the pack to start the opener against UCLA alongside Lucas Taylor? Why?

First of all, I think that Lucas Taylor is going to be a starter — probably from start to finish. He is the most tested and reliable of the receiving corps this year. As for the other spots, well, it gets more difficult there.

The conventional wisdom would be to go with Austin Rogers and Josh Briscoe (not to be confused with Briscoe Darling) — both have had significant playing time and key catches. They were solid down the stretch (especially in the overtime win against Kentucky, where Rogers saved the day with a huge 2-point conversion catch), however, they both had a few key weaknesses which hampered their overall production. Both had some big drops at key moments, and both appeared to have some shortcomings at times when it came to field awareness. That said, both of these upperclassmen now have an additional year of experience under their belt, and will no longer have to live in the shadow of the amazing and talented Robert Meachem.

The “Other” Briscoe

That said, I really like what I saw from Gerald Jones in his limited playing time last season, and something in my gut tells me that this talented sophomore will secure — at a minimum — 50% of one of the remaining starting spots. Based upon what I understand Dave Clawson’s offensive model to be, it seems that Jones would make a perfect fit — especially when it is time to go deep.

I am a huge fan of using the Tight End as an additional passing threat (something that I have a feeling we may see under Dave Clawson’s tricked-out-offense), and I hope that we end up using Jeff Cottam more in that role to complement and build upon the strengths of this year’s receivers — thereby making the Vols less one-dimensional and tougher to defend against. Either way, it seems to me that — despite losing a gamebreaker like Meachem — the receivers will be much stronger as a unit this season on the whole, largely due to experience and having more than just one go-to receiver. I feel this is especially true considering that, with Jonathan Crompton under center, it is fair to assume that opposing defenses will now have to honor the possibility that No. 8 may come running at them “Straight Outta Crompton” as well as throw to one of the wide-outs.

Read the rest of this entry »

Wow … all I can say is “Wow.”

We all knew it was bad when the Mitchell Report came out naming Roger Clemens as a doper, but I figured there was more to the story — a more complete telling, if you will. It got worse when Brian McNamee started waving around dirty syringes and old beer cans, but I assumed – at least to some extent — it was simply a ploy for attention by McNamee in hopes of deflecting the pressure that was coming down on him like a ton of bricks. It got downright embarrassing when Roger decided to “clear his name” before Congress. I assumed that was about as bad as it could get.

You know what, I was wrong…

Mindy McCready

Roger Clemens, has now passed from the uglier side of sports into the completely absurd, as revelations have now emerged regarding Roger Clemens alleged (and I use “alleged” because I am a lawyer, and I firmly believe that everyone has the right to refute charges leveled against them … oh yeah, and because Clemens has lawyers too) ten-year affair with Mindy McCready.

Don’t get me wrong though, I am not purporting to judge Clemens for supposedly having an affair. If he did he would hardly be the first or the last. People are human; people make mistakes — even athletes. Far be it for me to act like some moral inquisitor on the issue of another person’s love life.

I am, however, judging him for supposedly starting the affair when he was 28 and McReady was 15 years-old. It’s one thing to be unfaithful to your wife (bad though it may be), it’s an entirely different thing to commit statutory rape.

If all of this is, in fact, true, then Roger Clemens has just passed into legend. He has just won the all-time award for bad behavior by an athlete … ever. He has cemented his place in the Lecherous Idiot Hall of Fame. He has earned the All-Universe Trophy for Excellence in Dumbassery. He has won the gold, silver, and bronze medals at the Celebrity Career Suicide and Flame-out Olympics.

Oh yeah, he may have also earned himself 15 to 20 years in the service of the state…

I have never personally witnessed — forget me — the World has never witnessed such an absurdly meteoric and apocalyptic meltdown of a figure in the public eye … ever. Forget all the others, Clemens has so raised the bar on crashing and burning that there are no words to even describe it

Even Ron Artest knows you don’t hit babies. Even Eliot Spitzer knows you have to check their age before you pay them. Michael Vick never threw puppies into the pit.

Still, it is hard to believe that a few months ago, Roger Clemens was doing cell phone commercials. Now he is untouchable.

A few public figures, however, have commented on Clemens’ downfall:*

Joe Namath said:

Poor Roger, everything down the toilet … I wanna kiss you.

Harold Reynolds chimed in stating:

Look what he’s done, and they fired me? All I did was hug the b**ch!

Martha Stewart offered a bit of advice:

Well, I just hope Roger understands what prison life can be like. If it hadn’t been for my award-winning recipe for making Jailhouse Hooch, it would have been tough.

Pete Rose probably summed it best by saying:

Those are some pretty long odds to gamble on … so can I get in the Hall of Fame now?

From this day forward, anytime anyone in the public eye gets themselves in trouble for something insanely stupid, for something violating the code of sportsmanship, gets caught breaking the law … hell … gets caught doing pretty much anything they shouldn’t …

… they will be said to have “Pulled a Clemens”

Hopefully, this is the end of the fall for Roger Clemens, not because I feel particularly sorry for him, but because the situation keeps getting more ridiculous. I mean what could possibly come next, tying Clemens to Al Queda?

Osama Bin Clemens

Either way, Clemens will forever be emblematic of the select few amazingly talented people who just pissed their lives away.

When it comes to destroying your entire life, everything you have worked for, Roger Clemens is truly the greatest…

– Go Figure …

*Disclaimer: As if it were not completely obvious, the quotes in this article are complete crap and are purely a creation of the unbalanced mind of the author. The quotes above (along with all images bearing the “Gate 21″ Logo contained therein) are fictional humorous depictions (a/k/a “Farks”), intended as satire, of Roger Clemens and others, and do not reflect the views or position of the the individuals named herein. Neither this posting, those who created it, nor this blog are in anyway affiliated with Roger Clemens, or any other individuals mentioned hereinabove. So please don’t have your lawyers send me a bunch of nasty letters…

Breaking News…

26 years after its time as the focal point of the 1982 World’s Fair, the final sunset approaches for one of Knoxville’s most famous landmarks.

Speaking on terms of anonymity, officials with the Knox County Building Inspector’s office confirmed late Monday that the results of a recent series of structural evaluations of the Sunsphere call for the immediate demolition of the Knoxville landmark. According to county officials, a private study was recently commissioned in light of escalating deterioration of the Sunsphere. The results of the evaluation by independent engineering firm Simpson, Smithers & Bart, determined that the aging structure is not only unsafe for habitation, but presents a “serious risk of structural failure in the foreseeable future.” The engineering report, which is set to be released on Wednesday at a press conference scheduled by the mayor’s office, cites serious structural fatigue in the primary support stantions, which have already caused the monument to lean approximately 7 degrees to the west.

While the report makes it clear that the Sunsphere is not an “imminent risk to public safety,” due to a series of temporary reinforcements made during the the evaluation process, it goes on to note that the temporary reinforcements are only intended to prevent “systemic failure” prior to the the complete dismantling of the building. The report ultimately recommended that the structure be demolished “with all deliberate speed.“

Apparently fearing a public safety crisis, the City of Knoxville has already directed all occupants of the Sunsphere to vacate within the next 48 hours, and has made arangements for the demolition to commence later this week. Regional demolition contractor D.H. Shoffner has confirmed its crews will begin work on the project as early as Thursday morning, and that, absent unforeseen circumstances, the 600 ton structure is set to be imploded on the morning of April 13. Due to the emergent nature of this project, it is currently expected to cost in excess of $4.1 million. Despite inquiries, the Mayor’s office declined to comment.

As part of the analysis of the Sunsphere’s condition, Simpson, Smithers & Bart developed a computerized model demonstrating the stresses on the structure, and a likely scenario for structural failure. Click video (or link) below to see their analysis.

Sunsphere Structural Analysis

http://gate21.net/wp-content/uploads/Multimedia/Sunsphere.flv

Man, that is scary…

(April Fools)

• Also check out all the fun over at Your Mother Slept with Nick Saban and Now Thinks You’re Utterly Inadequate (Formerly Known as Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain)

– Go Figure …

Images Courtesy of: The Sunsphere is not a Wig Shop & Sunsphere Knoxville