Archive for August, 2008

This Week’s Roundtable is hosted by: Loser With Socks

A Day Late, and a Dollar Short…

This week’s Big Orange Roundtable is hosted by Jai Eugene over at Loser With Socks.  As has been the case for most of my life over the past few months, I am running behind, so I’ll get right down to it.

Here are my thoughts for the week:

Week 8

(Questions in Sort-o-Teal-like color)

1)  In a perfect world, what time would your UCLA Kick-off start?

I’m with Thomas over at YMSWWC in wishing for a 7:00 pm EST start.  I know that there are a lot of folks that live out on the left coast, and that they’d rather not have the game start at 4:00 pm their time, but … well … they should’ve thought of that before moving out there.

Besides 90% of the people who are actually going to watch the game will be from SEC Country anyway.  Of the remaining 10%, aside from UCLA’s 3 real fans and Rick Neuheisel’s mother, all the other folks watching the game will be SEC transplants on the West Coast who are used to having weird times for quality football games — like 4:00 am on a Tuesday.

Of course, based upon my experience from making the trip out to LA for the 1997 Tennessee – UCLA game, most (at least 5 – 7,000 of them or so) of the SEC transplants will already be at the game drowning out the deafening silence that is so usually associated with UCLA home football games.  I mean, I’m glad that UCLA gives 15 – 20,000 seats at every game to the disadvantaged youth from the LA area, but it’s not much of a home field advantage.

To the UCLA fans’ credit, however, there is a special helmet that the team occasionally wears — just to salute their fans.

Hmm… not exactly the same as being at an SEC stadium…

2) Sometimes doing the right thing is tough. Sometimes we have to choose between bad and worse.  I have known snipers that get bothered even though what they did was absolutely right. It seems being a coach would have some similar circumstances. Did you think that  Coach Fulmer and staff ever lose any sleep over their choices?

Of course I’m not privy to everything that goes on in the Tennessee football program, so I’m just speculating (which has never stopped me before).  Ignoring that, I imagine that the Great Punkin is much more likely to lose sleep over the painful realization that he still has several more weddings to pay for as his daughters grow older, than he is to lose sleep over matters pertaining to his decisions as a football coach.

Fulmer is many things — great football coach, awe-inspiring orator, terror at the Chinese Buffet, dancing phenom, master of international diplomacy, winner of the world quilting competition, beloved figure in the State of Alabama, his lawyer’s best client, man of distinction — but I have always felt that he is a man of great integrity who always trusts his gut (no pun intended) and does what he believes is right, as Willie Nelson so aptly described:

And every time I follow what I’m feeling, I end up in the same place my heart would have me go.

If there’s one rule in life I trust, it’s everything outside your gut, ain’t necessarily so.

– Willie Nelson

My experience is that that Fulmer generally trusts his instincts and he rarely second guesses himself.  The case of the phrase “Randy Sanders, Offensive Coordinator” is a good example of that.  Thus, I’d be highly surprised if there are many things from his career he regrets in that way.

The same would be true for “Smilin’ Mike” Hamilton, perhaps with the exception of his having attended Clemson, which is … well … bad, but at least he now has 2 reasons to pull against Alabama this weekend.

3) Nick Saban is going to start 10 freshman against Clemson.  Why is he doing this and did he just buy another year of grace from the Red Elephant Club?

So, Slick Nicky wants to try playing with 10 freshman.  Well, more power to him, but it’s going to be a long night at the Georgia Dome if he does.

My guess is, however,  that one of several things is actually going on here:

1. He’s lying.
2. He believes that if he sets the bar low for the game against the Tigers — by being able to claim that he was handicapped by having largely freshmen on the team — the Bammer faithful won’t call for his head after the first game.
3. After a long talk with Mike Shula over martinis in the bathtub, Saban has realized that he can make just as much money doing absolutely nothing other than admiring himself in the mirror, and thus hopes a 65 – 0 loss on national television will get him fired and a chance to start living the easy life.
4. He’s an idiot.
5. He finally realized that all those bribes he gave local judges in Alabama — though improving his chances of getting out of speeding tickets — are not going to result in all of his regular starting convicts players being released.
6. When asked by Pete Rose — for reasons Pete said he simply couldn’t go into — Saban agreed to play the freshmen.
7. The 10 freshmen are all the brothers of the girls down at the “Brass Pole Gentlemen’s Club” and the girls said if Nick gave their brothers a shot, they’d make it worth his while.

Yeah, it’s probably a little of all of them…

Read the rest of this entry »

Ah yes, my first post with my new digs here at Gate 21 – and thanks to those who have so kindly welcomed me so far. Hopefully it’s up to lawvol standards, as I’ve told him that he may fire me/kick me out/banish me/screw with my posts if I don’t meet the excellence that he’s built with his work here. Anyways, on to my opening week preview…

I cannot believe the beginning of football season is just mere hours away. Indeed, after a seemingly eternity of an offseason – with the last few non-Olympic days being the longest – it’s go-time.

However, for us Vol faithful, we have the unfortunate task of being made to wait a couple more days for our opener out in LA. Of course I’ll take playing primetime Labor Day Monday night.

As a student though, my weekends have always started on Thursdays and this year it’s even better: only having Tuesday/Thursday classes means I get four-day “weekends”…MONEY. But not getting our home opener for a couple more weeks? Garbage…

Anyways, there’s plenty of football before then, and that’s where I come in. I’m going to go through some of the more notable games this weekend and let you know what games I’ll be watching and what else I’ll be looking for.

Two things: first, I’m going to always include all games with SEC teams because it’s the SEC. Given the choice between the SEC and the NFL, give me the SEC PLEASE!

Second, the first week is always the weekend with the most boring lineup of games. All the big BCS teams are playing State Directional Schools, many being I-AA teams, which I am totally against (unless it’s Appalachian State, more on that later). Anyways, here it goes…

THURSDAY

NC State at South Carolina: Basically the first game of the year. It’s not literally the first one, but it’s the “marquee” ESPN game, so it’s good enough for me to tune in. If the Gamecocks struggle, then well, we’ll just know that still don’t have enough for the East’s Big Three – NC State isn’t very good.

Vandy at Miami (OH): Vandy losing would honestly not shock me. The ‘Dores are gonna be really green on offense and the Redhawks are one of the MAC’s contenders. That said, Vandy, please don’t lose to a MAC team. Actually this game gets started 30 minutes before the NC State-South Carolina game, so those of you with ESPNU can actually get a little football headstart on those of us who unfortunately don’t have that channel.

Elsewhere, Jacksonville State visits Georgia Tech, and while this game wouldn’t even get noticed, the fact that Ryan PerryLou is JSU’s QB has a bit of my interest. Also, if you’re one of those Pac 10 types, Oregon State plays at Stanford on ESPN2.

SATURDAY

UPSET ALERTS: East Carolina “hosts” Virginia Tech in Charlotte, and the Pirates played VT pretty tough last year. Also, I’m not so sure about this move.

Mark it down: Utah is going to beat Michigan. Virginia might make things interesting with USC. Florida Atlantic thinks they have a shot at Texas – I say that’s a lie.

The only other non-SEC games of note…Oklahoma State-Washington State in Seattle, TCU-New Mexico, and Michigan State-Cal, Washington-Oregon. Yes, these games wouldn’t even be sniffed if not for a lack of any other games worth a crap…

Illinois vs. Missouri in St. Louis: Seriously, who thinks Illinois is any good? Were they any good last year? They sure didn’t deserve that Rose Bowl. I have a slight bias towards Mizzou, but they should roll the Zooker this year.

SEC Games

Hawaii at Florida: Word on the street says Percy Harvin and Brandon Spikes won’t play. Not like that improves Hawaii’s chances of stopping Tebow. Thousands of miles and like six time zones away?

The game starts something like 6 a.m. Hawaiian time. Oh, and I know from experience in mid September last year it was like a billion degrees, and it’s still August. Ouch.

Oh, and I’m sure Urban won’t call off the dogs. Florida should get 50 in the 3rd quarter…

Georgia Southern at Georgia: UGA’s gonna win the game, but a late surge has put the Eagles ahead in suspensions, where previously UGA had a large advantage. The only question in Athens will be if Southern scores more points than suspensions…

Mark Richt won’t run it up like Urban will, though. Oh, GSU has Ohio State transfer Antonio Henton at QB. Hmmm….

Appalachian State at LSU: I WILL be watching this game on ESPN. Stop thinking upset, it’s not going to happen, but Appy State and Armanti Edwards keep it close, but really they aren’t sneaking up on anybody this year.

Not sure I would be diving over the line of scrimmage against LSU's d-line if I were Armanti Edwards...

Mississippi State at Louisiana Tech: Please explain to me why MSU agreed to play this game in Ruston? They’ll win (I think), but it makes no sense.

Louisiana-Monroe at Auburn/Western Illinois at Arkansas: Snooze…

Tiger High at Ole Miss: If Memphis won this game, I think it would be kinda funny. Talk about ruining a debut…

Really though, from where I’m from (Memphis) this game is a pretty big deal and I would much like to watch it on TV, but its pay-per-view…Oh well…

Alabama vs. Clemson in Atlanta: This is a great game for some Vol fans. Obviously ,we all want Alabama to get crushed, but I can’t lie and say I would get a laugh out of the Tide spoiling Clemson’s season in the opener. I’ll still probably root for Clemson…

In all seriousness, I get the feeling the pressure falls more on Clemson than on the Tide, what with the high expectations this season and all. Bama’s the underdog, as they should be, but that could easily play into their favor. And kudos to whoever decided to play this game, because it’s the best game Saturday. I’m going to be enjoying it, that’s for sure.

And finally, Kentucky plays at Pizza Box Stadium against Louisville Sunday afternoon, and UK might need this if they wanna sniff a bowl game. Monday’s appetizer for the real game of the week is Fresno State-Rutgers, which should be a pretty good game despite it, well, being Fresno State and Rutgers…

I know all but a few of these matchups pretty much suck, but football’s football people, and I’m ecstatic it’s here.

Image Courtesy of: NY Times / AP: D. Burleson

I opened the Gate back in mid-November of 2007 with no real idea of what I was getting myself into…

Even now — looking back — I’m still not sure what my goal was.  Due to poor planning and a complete lack of forethought, my first post did not go up until a few days before the Vanderbilt game — the second-to-last game of the 2007 season.  Gate 21 didn’t really develop it’s “persona” until early 2008, but since then things have really expanded and — assuming all the stats counters are correct — a few people have actually read some of the things I’ve had to say along the way.

But this “blogging thing” takes a lot of work…

Thus, seeing that football season is right around the corner, my “real” life job has eaten up almost every second of my life since May, and the fact that I lack any real ability as a sportswriter, it is my distinct pleasure to announce the addition of “Home Sweet Home” as a new writer here at the Gate.

For those of you out there who have been following the Big Orange Roundtable, you will recognize “Home Sweet Home” as the Patrick — the lead voice from The View From the Hill.  Why he wants to leave his highly respectable blog — built on quality and substance — to join-up with yours truly is, I’m sure, troubling to many of you out there.  It may have had something to do with me promising him fame, fortune, and a handful of stick-on tattoos.

Either way, here he will be — at least until he realizes what a blowhard I am.  To start out Home Sweet Home (as in “Rocky Top will always be, Home Sweet Home to me …”) will be taking charge of a few new features here at the Gate, the first of which will be entitled (ta-da!) “The View From the Hill.“

At any rate, I know that those of you out there in webworld will appreciate the addition to the staff here in that he actually knows how to write an article which is rational, informative, and substantive — which, I suppose, will also be a new feature here at Gate 21.  Needless to say, I am thrilled to have him in the show.

So be sure to welcome him on board when his posts start appearing in the near future.

Oh yeah, and try not to hold it against him that he’s affiliated with me…

– Go Figure …

Just a quick note to say that I haven’t forgotten about football season — as our header countdown here at the Gate hopefully makes clear.

Since this is the last week of the dreaded off-season, things will start up for real here shortly.  I am trying to get a few last minute details finalized for the start of the season at present, which will hopefully improve the quality of this joint substantially.  Should have this one ready in the next day or so — it’ll actually be a big announcement for Gate 21 (if you give a damn about this rag, that is).

At any rate, hopefully things will begin progressing in the very near future.  In the meantime, I found a post from Mark Bradley of the AJC the other day which is interesting to say the least.  Bradley took it upon himself to rank the Most Obnoxious fans in the SEC.

In the end, Bradley determined that the Florida Gators won the crown for the most obnoxious fans writing:

Gator fans didn’t become obnoxious when Steve Spurrier started beating everybody. They were obnoxious when their team couldn’t win the SEC to save its life. And for all Floridians still irked by Georgia’s celebration, here are two words to Google: Gator Flop.

Hmm … sounds reasonable to me…

Anyway, the Vol faithful came in at No. 7 — which is far better than I expected.  Either way, it’s worth a quick read.

Keep watching over the next few days as hopefully great things will be coming to Gate 21, until then, at least it doesn’t suck any worse than it always has…

– Go Figure …

Our man here at the Gate — Gus, Defender of the Faith — has uttered the word.  He has invoked the commencement of the Rites of Fall.  The word he has uttered?

Football…

With that lone invocation we here at Gate 21 have begun the final countdown to kickoff.  Thus each day from here until we tee it up and kick it down in Pasadena, the header will change — signaling the approach of that which we hold dear.

That is, unless yours truly forgets to change it…

Bring it on!

(Note: you may have to hit refresh for the header to update)

– Go Figure …

Check out the Full Poll Results over at Garnet and Black Attack

As was the case with the College Football BlogPoll, the infinite wisdom of those responsible for the SEC Power Poll is now also shown to be seriously lacking.  Why?  Because Power Poll Administrator and guru CockNFire over at Garnet and Black Attack has thrown reason to the wind and allowed Gate 21 to join the mix — a sure sign that Power Poll is doomed.

Be that as it may, on this first week of the 2008 Power Poll, since there have been no games played, we the pollsters have been charged with the task of ranking the current head coaches for the SEC schools.  Given my complete inability to follow conventional wisdom, I have a somewhat unusual No. 1 — a point that I’m sure will leave both of my readers scratching their heads.

Either way, here’s my ballot (with my contorted rationalizations as to why I believe such foolish things):

SEC Power Poll — The Coaches

1.  Sylvester Croom — Mississippi State

A lot of folks will probably think I am crazy for tabbing Sly Croom as the top coach in the SEC, but I really do strongly feel that he is deserving, and is the best coach in the SEC at present.  I know I’m going to have to defend this one, probably.

I discussed my reasons for choosing Croom as the best in Week 4 of the Big Orange Roundtable (Question 5).  In that response, I wrote:

When Croom took over, the Bulldogs were awful — they just plain sucked.  After 3 years of winning only 3 games, however, Croom finally seemed to turn the corner in Starkville in 2007 finishing 8-5 (4-4 SEC) for the season — the first winning season for Miss. State since 2000.

While I realize his win / loss record is not what it could be (17-30 overall) managing to bring the Bulldogs back to respectability is, in my book, a major accomplishment.  Let’s be frank here, it’s called “Stark“ville for a reason.  Recruiting for the Bulldogs is probably as challenging as any other school in the SEC, perhaps with the exception of Vanderbilt.  Yet, somehow, Croom has managed to right the ship and bring the program back from the bowels of football hell.

What’s more, this year’s team returns 14 starters — all of whom were recruited by Croom — and looks to be set to make another strong showing this year.  They should be even better than they were in 2007, and I’d be highly surprised if the Bulldogs don’t end up in a bowl this year.  I have real fear when it comes to the Vols’ game against the Bulldogs this year.  My only hope is that the boys in orange don’t “overlook” the cowbell clan — if they do, they will lose.

For me a coach’s overall record is not nearly as important as their ability to demonstrate progress in moving toward a goal — is the program better, worse, or the same as it was when the coach arrived on campus.  Winning 9 games in your first season at Florida followed by a national championship is not nearly as significant to me as managing to drag a program which has collapsed back to success.  Sly Croom has lost a lot of games in Starkville over the past few years, but it appears that he has finally managed to get the program back on track.  That impresses me a great deal, and that is why he’s at the top of my list.

2.  Mark Richt — Georgia

Here I return back to the thoughts of the masses.  It is difficult to argue with Richt’s successes at Georgia.  In seven years as head coach, he’s had five 10-win (or more) seasons.  Over that time period he has garnered three BCS bowl bids for the Bulldogs, has had a 72-19 (40-16 SEC) record, and earned two SEC Championships.  That is impressive.

My only criticisms of Richt (which keep him out of first place) are that he has failed to win a national championship for the Dawgs or contend for one.  Of course, the same can be said for Sylvester Croom.  The reason I hold this against Richt is due to the state off the Georgia program when he took over the reins.  The year before Richt was hired, “Whisperin’ Jim” Donnan led the Dawgs to an 8-4 (5-3 SEC) record and a bowl.  That is not exactly a derelict program.

Thus, even though Richt has advanced the Bulldog program from where it was, he has one more step to go before he — in my twisted mind — manages to match the level of improvement Croom has brought to Mississippi State.

3.  Tommy Tuberville — Auburn

Tommy Tuberville has been quietly building a great tradition down on the plains.  Since taking over in in 1999, Tuberville has amassed a 80-33 (49-23 SEC) record, an SEC championship, and has pretty much owned the Iron Bowl.  He has also used about 5,000 gallons of hair shellac.  Tuberville’s teams always seem as prepared as any team in the country on gameday, which is as impressive as it is rare these days.  His strong record and proven system puts him right near the top in my book.

All of that said, Auburn is always seemingly right on the cusp of winning a championship, but never seem to be able to finish the deal.  For that reason, he’s only third.

4.  Les Miles — LSU

It’s hard to argue with the power of the hat over the past three years.  The reason Miles comes in at number four, rather than higher up the chain is due to the fact that he is just beginning to field teams peopled with players he has recruited.  Furthermore, going back to my “advance the program” notion, when Miles took over the Tigers were coming off of a 9-3 (6-2 SEC) season.  It’s pretty easy to win in that situation.

If he continues to win going forward, then he will most definitely move up.

5.  Urban Meyer — Florida

Meyer has won a BCS title game and has racked up an impressive record since taking over in 2005.  My criticisms of Meyer largely mirror those I made for Miles with one addition.  In 2007 Meyer’s Gators showed real weakness on offense (against everyone but the Vols, that is … ugh).  A lot of that weakness appeared to come from Meyer’s belief in a system which doesn’t meaningfully employ the running back.  In my opinion a team cannot sustain success without that.  What’s more, he seemed to rely a little too much on Tebow, which further made the Gators one-dimensional on offense.

6.  Great Punkin‘ — Tennessee

Phillip Fulmer has been the head coach of Tennessee Volunteers for 14 years.  He is the senior-most coach in the league and has an impressive record, including a BCS title, two SEC Championships, and has three additional SEC East titles.  Fulmer has been consistent, but over the past few years has probably been a bit too consistent in failing to reach the top level of the polls and BCS bowl games.

Though I think Phil Fulmer is one of the great coaches of college football, over the past few years the program has not seemed to be advancing as much as it has been holding position.  The addition of Dave Clawson as offensive coordinator along with a new scheme may, however, change that and result in Fulmer’s stock rising once again.

7.(tie)  Rich Brooks — Kentucky

Rich Brooks has done a nice job at Kentucky over the last four years.  He wins more than he loses and appears to run a clean program.  Every now and then, he has managed to win a big game.  Kentucky is respectable, but really not much more than that.  Thus, it’s hard for me to place him much higher.

7.(tie)  Houston Nutt — Ole Miss

Were Houston Nutt still at Arkansas, he would probably rank higher.  He was consistent and recruited some stellar players while coaching the Hogs.  That said, he never seemed to be able to push the team to the championship level.  Now that he is at the helm of the Ole Miss Rebels, he has his work cut out for him.  If he can turn it around, then he will rise quickly in my eyes, but Oxford has not been very kind to coaches over the past decade.  The old adage that “there is nowhere to go but up,” simply isn’t true — for Nutt and Ole Miss, “sideways” is a real possibility.

9.  Steve Spurrier — South Carolina

A decade ago, “The Ole Ball Coach” would have been my hands-down choice for best coach in the country.  Whatever it is that he did while coaching the Washington Redskins, however, changed that.  While his Gamecocks have posted solid overall records since 2005, they have never had any meaningful success in the SEC.  That is not going to win you any coaching awards.

10.  Bobby Johnson — Vanderbilt

Vanderbilt is a tough place to coach and win.  I realize this.  Still, I think it is reasonable to expect a winning season every five years or so.

11.  Nick Saban — Alabama

Slick Nicky has real coaching abilities — there is no question about that (as the Vols learned last year).  That said, I give Saban this low rating largely on principle.  For what he is getting paid, a 7-6 (4-4 SEC) record isn’t enough.

12.  Bobby Petrino — Arkansas

Bad hire.  He is a mercenary coach who is only interested in where he can get the most money on a given day.  I give him four years — max — before he moves on to greener pastures leaving Arkansas with little to show for it.

The Rest of the BlogPoll

Now that you have wasted your time looking at my ballot, go check out what everybody else is saying over at Garnet and Black Attack.  I will also try to update this post with links to the other pollsters’ ballots as soon as I can.

How long do you think it will be before they kick me out?

– Go Figure …

This Week’s Roundtable is hosted by: Fulmer’s Belly

The Off-Season is a Conspiracy

This week’s Big Orange Roundtable is hosted by Fulmer’s Belly who has offered questions of real substance — questions which seek insight and analysis.  That pretty much means I’ll be bringing up the rear.  Thus, it would probably be best if you just skipped my responses and clicked on the links to the other roundtablers below.

If you are nonetheless determined to waste your time reading my prattling — losing moments of your life, your lunch, and perhaps your will to live — here are my thoughts for the week

Week 7

(Questions in Sort-o-Teal-like color)

1)  Knock on wood before answering this question, but let’s assume that Jonathan Crompton goes out with a season ending injury in the 1st half of the first game of the season. Should we just pack it up and wait until next season, or is there a glimmer of hope in any of the young backups?

First of all, I don’t want to hear any more of this Communist “injury” talk.  I’m having questions about your loyalty …

That said, assuming the awful were to happen, I agree with the collective brain trust, that losing a single player does not mean that it is time to give up on the 2008 season.  Even the loss of a quarterback doesn’t necessarily spell disaster.

If you remember, back in 1994 the Vols lost starting senior quarterback Jerry Colquitt on the seventh play of the season versus UCLA.  The only other quarterbacks on the squad that year were two true freshmen — Branndon Stewart and some guy named Manning.

Of course, despite his stellar career at Tennessee, even Peyton only managed a 8-4 (SEC 5-3) season.  Still, there was a lot of fight left in the 1994 Vols after the loss of Colquitt.

Similarly, we wouldn’t currently have any idea what Jonathan Crompton is capable of had it not been for him standing in for Erik Ainge during the 2006 season.

I feel certain that the Vols would manage to finish strong and do everyone proud without Crompton, after all — on paper — neither B.J. Coleman nor Nick Stephens are exactly slouches.  Furthermore, unlike Manning in 1994, both have had some time to actually learn the offense.

Bearing all of that in mind, I think the loss of Crompton early in the season would likely result in losses at both Florida and Auburn simply due to the need for the new quarterback to get up to speed.

So, I guess my answer is that the Vols would be “okay” but would probably not put up numbers for the record book.

2)  Does Erik Ainge have a future in the NFL?

With no disrespect to Ainge, I have never really seen him as a successful NFL quarterback.  I simply don’t think that Ainge has the flexibility that a quarterback is required to demonstrate to combat the defenses of the NFL.  He is a reasonably solid pocket passer, but has limited mobility — which is not necessarily a killer with most teams in the NFL.  He does, however, have the good sense to get rid of the ball when there is no one to throw to — a fact borne out by the NCAA record of only 4 sacks over the course of the season.

In the end, after getting injured versus Notre Dame, Ainge never really seemed to have the spark that made him seem so great during his freshman year.  After that point, Ainge seemed to be a basically an average above-average quarterback.  He was efficient, he was capable, he was reliable — he was not exceptional.  Unfortunately, that exceptional ability is usually required to compete in NFL.

3)  Why in the hell did you decide to blog about Tennessee football?  Aren’t there already enough Tennessee blogs?

Well, that’s a tough question to answer considering that I more or less started the Gate on a whim.  I had previously tried a little blogging on other more “serious” topics, but none of those ever amounted to anything because they required intelligent thought and at least a limited amount of skill.  Thus, I started this little project mainly because I figured it would be a good way to waste time, besides it was cheaper than drugs.

As for why I blog about Tennessee?  Well, the reality is that Tennessee is the only team I really follow in any meaningful way.  I also live in the bowels of ACC country, which is … well … sickening, and blogging about Tennessee and the SEC helps control the nausea.

I suppose I could start a blog on animal husbandry, navel lint, or really stupid things I’ve done in life.  I suppose I could even write one of those “life blogs” where I tell the entire world about my daily life, but I am really a boring person and who the hell really cares how many times I went to the bathroom today and all of the people I’d like to kill.

I have no intention of ever trying to be a “stats” guy because I can barely add — that is why I am a lawyer.  I also have no desire to try and be a “traditional” sports writer.  First of all, I live nearly seven hours from the home of the team I write about, which makes it a little difficult for me to actually report on a game I didn’t even attend.  Besides that’s what all the mainstream media types already have a near monopoly on.  Thus, all I can really do is offer my own peculiar observations on the world of sports from an orange-tinted perspective and make fun of the more humorous side of the sports world.

Oh, and when I can’t think of anything worth writing, I’ve found that posting juvenile, semi-offensive, poorly doctored, photos will often suffice.

On a personal note, if I had a chance to breathe lately, at least I would have been able to post a little something of substance every now and then.  I really hate it when my job interferes with my asinine hobbies.  That part is frustrating — almost as frustrating as Tennessee’s 2005 football season … but not quite.  I suppose in the perfect world I’d be able to spend all my days writing for this rag so everyone could ignore it.

In the end, I suppose the main reason I write is because I am a lawyer and, by default, a blowhard who likes to hear himself talk (or write as the case may be).  I guess I write about sports because I really lack any real ability to write about anything of real substance.  It’s funny, I’ve been doing this for a while now, and I’m still not sure what I am doing.

I’m sure both of my readers would agree …

4)  If you could be one player in one game in Tennessee history, which player and which game would you pick?  Why?

This is a tough one.  There are so many great choices which would be on my short-list.  Here are a few (in no particular order)

George "Bad News" Cafego

• Dale Jones vs. Miami — 1985
• Condredge Holloway vs. Clemson — 1974
• Peyton Manning vs. Alabama — 1995
• Al Wilson vs. Florida — 1998
• Peerless Price vs. Florida State — 1998
• Heath Shuler vs. Florida — 1992
• George Cafego vs. Anybody — 1938/39

These are but a few — this one is just too tough to call.

5)  Which is your favorite rivalry and why? (Not necessarily limited to Tennessee teams)?

Well, I pretty much said it all about this one a few weeks back when it comes to Tennessee rivalries.

I hate to lose to Alabama, I absolutely loathe Florida.

For me, the key to a true rivalry is respect.  I have no respect for Florida, so — predictably — it’s Bama for me.

In terms of other rivalries … umm … I would probably list the following:

• The Memphis Tigers vs. “The Crazy UAB Fan“

• The Chicago Cubs vs. Cold Hard Reality;
• The Philadelphia Eagles vs. The Eagles Hoodlums Fans;
• The People of the State of Florida vs. All Current and Former Members of the University of Miami Football Team, and John Doe, co-conspirator, et. al, Criminal Docket No. 07 CVS…;
• Ron Artest vs. the Crowd.

Yeah, I know, not much in terms of effort on my part…

Bonus)  Who will win the national title this year? And by how many points will Tennessee win?

Two answers — my hope, and my head:

• Hope:  Tennessee 28 – USC 14
• Head:  Florida 21 – Clemson (Yeah that’s right, Clemson) 10

The Rest of the Roundtable:

Having wasted your time on my largely meaningless and insignificant thoughts for this week, go check out what the other roundtablers (who actually know what they are talking about) have to say (in no particular order):

• 3rd Saturday in Blogtober
• YMSWWC
• MoonDog Sports
• Fulmer’s Belly
• Loser With Socks
• Rocky Top Talk
• SouthEastern Sports Blog
• The View From the Hill

Well, now wasn’t that fun…

– Go Figure …

Images Courtesy of: The Redzone Report • GoVolsXtra • The VIB • TalkWeather Forums • Hoopedia